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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker, (12/03/14)

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I was in a long-term relationship with a guy for a number of years. For a long time, I thought he was the one, but I gradually realized that he and I were moving in different directions and we had become incompatible in a lot of ways. So about a year ago, we broke it off amicably. Well, mostly amicably anyway. The goal was to remain friends. It wasn't easy, but I still cared about the guy, so I did my best. We didn't see a lot of each other, but it was always pleasant enough when we did.

Last week, he called me up out of the blue we hadn't spoken in a couple of months and left a message on my voicemail asking if I would like to go out to dinner with himand his new girlfriend. He told me that it was really important to him that I meet her. He also said that meeting her would be good for me and help me 'gain closure' on our relationship. It turns out that in his eyes, our mutual breakup was in fact him breaking up with me and he wanted to help me 'move on.'

First of all, I got all the closure I needed a year ago when we broke up. Secondly, on what planet is it okay for a guy to call up an ex and ask her out to dinner with his new mate? How is that going to be anything other than excruciating and awkward for everyone?

Rather than immediately call him and drop the numerous expletives that sprang to mind, I took a deep breath and stepped back. What's my next step?

Angry in Orono

Dear Angry,

Wow. I know you say you still care about the dude, but holy st is that weird. As someone who has seen a fair number of beginnings and endings of relationships, I feel confident in telling you that.

I suppose it's possible not probable, butpossible that this guy is just trying to keep you in his life as a friend. It's incredibly unlikely, but technically feasible. However, my guess is that he's in the midst of some misguided ploy to show New Girl what a great guy he is by flaunting his still-extant friendship with Ex Girl. It might be one of the stupidest things to ever happen in the history of relationships, but God help me, that is precisely what it looks like.

And for him to act like he's doing you some big effing favor by introducing you to his new chippie to help you 'gain closure' or whatever BS line he spouted is douchebaggery on a truly epic scale. It's manipulation, pure and simple. He's trying to manipulate both you and New Girl into confirming his deep delusion that he's a good guy.

(He's not, in case you were wondering.)

Tell him to go to hell. Use as many of those choice curse words as you like; you probably won't be able to come up with one that indicates how truly enormous an asshat he is. Your initial reaction seems to be 'How dare he!' That's good it's the reaction one should have to such selfish, self-important idiocy. You deserve better.

However many years 'a number' is, it was definitely too many.


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