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Dear Todd Parker - (10/21/15)

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I have something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now, and I was hoping to get your opinion on the subject.

Why do girls have such a problem with farting?

Me and my friends, we think farts are hilarious. Always. Doesn't matter the context or the situation. When we hear that sound, we laugh. But girls don't find them nearly as amusing as we do. They wrinkle their noses and call us disgusting or whatever. They basically act like they don't fart, even though they do. Everybody farts, right?

So what's the deal? Yeah, they're kind of gross and they smell bad. So what? We're all human beings. Our bodies all work in pretty much the same way. So what's the problem with finding the humor in it?

I have a girlfriend, by the way. She doesn't think that farts are funny either, but she at least tolerates the fact that I do.

What's your take?

Flatulent in Brewer

Dear Flatulent,

Your girlfriend is one lucky lady to have a class act like you in her life.

Listen up, Gassy Joe first of all, try not to make this a guy/gal thing. Every person is a unique individual, with his or her own specific likes and dislikes. You need to accept that. For whatever reason, yes, many women don't dig on farting. But here's the thing there are plenty of dudes out there who feel the same way. That's their right. No matter how funny you think something might be, other people are in no way obligated to agree. Yes, farts are hilarious to you, but they shouldn't be judged for not thinking so. People shouldn't be judged for their sense of humor.

(Well, except the people who think prop comedy is funny, but that's another story.)

Personally, there are few things that I find more amusingly satisfying than a good cheek-flapping fart. The more inappropriate the situation, the better. If it's a full-on trumpet blast, one of those real eye-watering guys that causes cottonmouth - pure magic. And if it happens in an elevator, wellthat's the brass ring. I take great personal pride in using my G-I tract to generate something that smells like someone butchering a pig in the middle of a dumpster fire. But that's me just because I'm entertained by the occasional butt-trumpet solo doesn't mean that I'm incapable of understanding why someone else might be disgusted by it. What sounds like sweet stinky music to me might just be gross social incompetence to their ears.

I mean, I don't agree, but I get it.

On the flip side, there are definitely women out there who are amused by farting. Just like there are dudes out there who find it repulsive. Different strokes for different folks. It's a big wide world out there, Stinky McGee, filled with all sorts of different opinions. Try and be respectful, Swampass.

Smell you later.

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