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Dear Todd Parker - (10/07/15)

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I have a good friend who is getting ready to move away. He's landed a great new job that he's really excited about, but it means that he has to move to another state.

How can I be less upset by this?

This guy is one of my best friends in the world. I mean, he stood up with me at my wedding. And yet, I find myself resenting him for leaving. Wellnot really resenting. Obviously, I'm not actually angry with him I'm really happy that he's finding this kind of success. I'm just struggling to deal with the thought of him not being around as much anymore.

I recognize that this is incredibly selfish of me. It's stupid for me to try and make this huge thing (which I'm sure he's excited and nervous about) all about me and my feelings.

Do you have any thoughts on how I should deal with this? I can tell he's starting to catch on. I just want to be unreservedly happy for my friend. What's your advice?

Upset in Orono

Dear Upset,

Look man I get it. I really do. Making friends after you've reached a certain age is tough; they've done studies on it and everything. And since you're married and have friends moving away for better jobs, it's probably safe to assume that you're past the point of meeting new BFFs at the beer pong table. So saying so long to one of the important ones is bound to be tough.

Only here's the thing this is how life works. People move on and move up. Like it or not, the course of their existence is not inextricably tied to your own. Your boy has to do what is best for himand it sounds like this move is exactly that.

Now, if this move was structured around something that was clearly a huge mistake, that would be one thing. But this new job doesn't sound like that at all. You said yourself that it is a great opportunity for him.

So who are you to begrudge him that?

I'm not telling you not to be sad. Be sad. You've got feelings and saying good-bye to a buddy is a perfectly valid reason to express them. You're allowed to be upset about it. You just can't in turn try to make him upset about it. Seriously he's packing up and moving to a new place and a new job and a new everything. The guy has enough on his plate without being taken on a guilt trip by the likes of you.

And it's not like the guy is moving to Guam or the moon. You said another state okay, so he lives in another state. What happens now is up to you. Are you going to let the relationship wither on the vine just because he lives 500 miles away instead of five? Or are you going to invest a little bit of effort and stay close with someone who matters to you?

When it comes to bro-love, distance should be meaningless. That's what you need to remember. Just because he's not right down the street doesn't mean he's gone forever. It might be a little tougher to stay in touch, but so what? True friendship is rare and precious, dude don't let geography screw it up.

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