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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - (09/23/15)

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I am a 30-year-old man who hasn't been involved with a woman in over 10 years. I haven't had a girlfriend since high school and I haven't been on a date since she broke up with me.

I tried. I really did. But women aren't interested no matter what I do. It's not like I'm some hideous troll or something I'm about 6 feet tall, weigh around 190 pounds. I'm no Clooney, but I'm not ugly either. I mean, I don't think I am. I try and hit the gym 3-4 times a week; I'm a little soft around the middle, but I'm in fair shape. I have a good job and make a good living. I've never anything but nice, but for whatever reason, they just aren't into it.

Around 5 or 6 years ago, I justgave up. It didn't seem to be worth the effort. If they weren't interested, I'd just live my life. Things have been pretty okay since then. Stress-free anyway except for the whole not getting laid in the 21st century thing, that is. But now I wonder if I should try to change this. It seems stupid to assume that I'm forever alone at the age of 30.

So what steps should I take to get back in the game? Not only has it been forever, but I was really bad at it before. So my non-existent skills have a nice half-decade of rust on them how do I turn things around?

Alone in Bangor

Dear Alone,

Letters like this one can be difficult. You never know what's being left out by some delusional d-bag who can't understand why the seduction 'techniques' he got from that PUA website don't work.

But let's assume we can take this at face value. So you're this normal dude who can't attract the interest of a woman. Okay. You have a job and all your parts are more or less in the right places. Great. So what's the problem?

How exactly are you approaching these women? Because I've been around this town for a long time a dude with a steady paycheck and no visible scars tends to clean up. Sure, there are always going to be those ladies who are looking for someone to change or fix, but you don't want any part of them. The fixing you need isn't going to interest them anyway.

So are you just horribly socially awkward? There's no shame in that. Hell, I've been there myself more than once. Some people struggle when talking to new people. Finding a way to comfortably establish connection is rarely easy, even for the dudes who make it look like it is.

Try joining social clubs or volunteer organizations. Instant common ground can really make these interactions easier. Go ahead and give online dating a try if you haven't already; you can establish your bona fides before you even have to try to make face-to-face conversation.

(Note: you should probably avoid diving straight into something like Tinder. If you're a decade out of the game, you're definitely not quite ready for that psychosexual Thunderdome. Baby steps, man.)

Just don't give up. The mouth-breathers and degenerates out there are procreating; someone needs to balance the gene pool with some normalcy. It's going to be tough don't get discouraged if it doesn't all come together immediately. And remember, you don't have to dive in - there's no shame in entering from the shallow end.

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