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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - 09/10/14

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I have a relationship question that isn't really about my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for a number of years now and are perfectly happy with the way things are. We live together and still greatly enjoy one another's company. We're just a great fit always have been.

As the well-adjusted couple, we sometimes find ourselves being asked by our single friends if we 'know anybody.' Our respective circles spread pretty wide, but at the same time, most of the people we know are already paired up. Honestly, the idea of playing matchmaker usually makes us a little uncomfortable. It's a lot of responsibility.

This time is different. We have these two friends who my girlfriend and I agree would be absolutely perfect together. They share a lot of interests and hang out with a lot of the same people. Their paths definitely cross on a semi-regular basis. They're both single, although I'm not sure if they're both looking.

Are we overstepping our bounds if we try to make this relationship happen? On paper, it seems like they'd be a great couple. Each of them deserves someone nice and fun and interesting; they both fit the bill. Is it okay for us to try and bring them together? Obviously, it's kind of none of our business, but at the same time, we really like the thought of them together.

What should we do?

Matchmakers in Bangor

Dear Matchmakers,

Man. Are you that desperate to find another couple to play Cranium with?

Without any real context, I can't say for certain that this is a bad idea, but in general terms, going out on a limb to initiate someone else's relationship tends to open a big old Pandora's Box. Your hearts are undoubtedly in the right place here; it's nice that you want your friends to be happy. You still need to take a long hard look at the potential consequences, though.

What if this relationship never takes off? Or worse, what if it starts only to come crashing down into fiery scorched-earth ruin? Not only will these two people (who I take to already be friends) be stuck dealing with what will be at best awkwardness and at worst outright antipathy, but both of them will blame you for putting them in this situation. They might not openly or consciously resent you, but you better believe that deep down, they are laying a good portion of the blame on you. Is that something you're prepared to risk?

Look, dude love will find a way. That's love's whole deal. What you're proposing is putting two people that you think are compatible into a box and shaking it until they come out smitten. I'm sorry to say that isn't how it works.

If you absolutely can't help yourself, maybe try some subtlety. Create opportunities for them to figure it out for themselves. I don't know, throw a party and try to get them there or something. Maybe and I stress maybe you can put them in a situation where they can have their cutesy connection moment. Don't go any farther than that. Investing yourself in someone else's budding relationship is just asking for trouble.

Life is not a predictable rom-com, as much as you might like it to be. People find each other or they don't. It sounds like the pieces are already there; let these two put them together on their own terms.


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