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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - (07/14/15)

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A long-time friend of mine and I just got a place together. We've known each other for years, but this is our first time as roommates. We get along great, have plenty of similar interests and enjoy one another's company. So far, everything is going smoothly.

Wellalmost everything.

He's got this girlfriend. She comes by a lot, but that's okay she's a lot of fun and she makes him really happy. No, the problem isn't with her. It's with her friend.

Said friend tags along every single time she comes over to visit my roommate. Without fail, I wind up having to entertain this woman while the other two get cozy and coo at one another. Even that wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that I find her actively unpleasant. She's incredibly rude and demanding and generally not nice to be around. It's a genuine chore to interact with her, but I do it for my buddy's sake.

I think I've reached the end of my patience, though. I'm sick of having to bend over backwards to try and placate this terrible person. I've tried to talk to my buddy about it; he doesn't like her any more than I do, but for some inexplicable reason she's his girlfriend's best friend. The implication is that they're a package deal if the girlfriend visits, so does the other one.

What can I do? He's my friend and I want him to be happy, but there has to be a statute of limitations on wingman duty, doesn't there? Is there any way out of this?

Feeling Trapped in Bangor

Dear Trapped,

I'm going to be honest things are not looking good for you, my friend.

Dealing with the awful friend of your own significant other is bad enough having to deal with the awful friend of someone else's significant other is far, far worse. There aren't really many outs for you, and the ones that you do have, you're probably not going to like.

It sounds like your friend is willing to sacrifice you in the name of this girlfriend. I'm sure he doesn't see it that way, but that's the way it is. If he knows how much you dislike this lady and is still unwilling to consider possible changes, then you're on your own.

The way I see it, you can either A) keep sucking it up and hope this unpleasant person becomes tolerable with time, or B) take a stand. If you go with Plan A, you're probably dooming yourself to many horrible evenings, but you'll still be on solid footing with your buddy. Plan B is pretty much scorched earth there's no turning back once you speak up and there's no way of knowing for sure how that will alter your friendship.

This is going to sound cold-blooded, but I'd start rooting for a breakup.

I recognize that none of this is very helpful, but your situation is textbook rock/hard place stuff. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.


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