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Dear Todd Parker - (07/08/15)

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After eight long years in college, I finally graduated this May with my Ph.D. I'm entering a very competitive job market, but I'm not too worried. I was a lot closer to the top of my class than the bottom. That's not what I'm writing about.

My girlfriend and I have been together for over ten years. We started dating in our junior year of high school. For most of undergraduate school, she was our primary support. Since I started grad school, she's basically been our sole support. She worked and I went to school. The plan was for me to get my Ph.D. and graduate, then find a job. After that, she was going to start thinking about grad school herself.

I know this is going to sound awful, but I want to break up with her. I haven't been happy for a really long time and I feel like I need to get out. I know I should have done it earlier, but the time never felt quite right. I don't want to hurt her, but I can't do this anymore.

How do I break it off? And do I owe her any money? What do you think?

Graduate in Old Town

Dear Graduate,

Over the years, I have had the privilege of hearing from some of the most loathsome, reprehensible d-bags that the region has to offer. Letter after letter from terrible people begging me to justify their poor choices and even poorer ethics.

Welcome to the top of the list, my friend.

You are a wretched person. You are an entitled jackass. You might even be some kind of sociopath. 'The time never felt quite right,' you say? So as soon as it's your turn to carry the load for a while, the time is suddenly right? This might be the most selfish thing I've ever heard.

The fact that your primary concern is whether or not you have to pay her back tells me everything I need to know. While your relationship may have begun in a good place (though I have my doubts), it has clearly evolved into a marriage of convenience for you. It's about to be no longer convenient, so you want out.

You say you've been unhappy for a long time have you even talked to her about it? Or is this just some sort of cop-out self-justification for the fact that you don't want to pay what you owe? And make no mistake you owe big time. Not in any legally binding way (which is too bad because I'dloveto see an asshat like you get sued), but you most certainly owe. Not just money either, but time. You stole a decade from a woman who loves you and now that you've got yours you want out.

Frankly, youshouldbreak up with her. Any woman especially a woman so willing to sacrifice deserves better than a scumbag like you. Just don't pretend that you're doing it for anything other than your own selfish d-bag reasons.

Anyone who ever wondered why a Ph. D. is sometimes called 'Piled Higher and Deeper' just got their perfect example. You are full of st, loser. I hope you reap what you have sowed.

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