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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - (07/01/15)

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I live in a nice neighborhood in Bangor. I don't have a lot of contact with the people who live around me, but that's usually fine. I'm someone who prefers to spend most of his time alone anyway.

The only point when things are less than ideal is around this time of the year. There are two or three households in my general vicinity who really get into the whole 4th of July thing. Specifically the fireworks.

It has already started. As soon as it starts to get dark, the noise begins. It never lasts for too long; they usually only shoot them off for five minutes or so. It mostly happens early, but sometimes they go off as late as 11. Whenever it happens, it scares the daylights out of my poor dogs, leaving them huddled and shaking for hours afterward.

I don't want to be a party pooper, but this has got to stop. I know it's illegal to use fireworks inside city limits. Should I try leaving notes somewhere? Knock on doors? I've thought about calling the police, but I haven't been able to determine for sure which neighbors are the culprits and I'd like to avoid going that route anyway if at all possible.

What do you think I should do? Patriotism is great and all, but there has to be a line somewhere, doesn't there?

Booming in Bangor

Dear Booming,

As someone who enjoys celebrating America with brightly-colored explosions, it pains me to say this, but your neighbors are terrible. The occasional drunken firecracker or bottle rocket is one thing, but this sounds like a pattern of d-bag behavior.

I certainly understand the desire to protect your dogs I know that when my dog Ray Parker, Jr. gets scared, I have a hell of a time calming him down.

(And that's saying something, because he doesn't scare easy. Not cars, not strangers and since my good boy is named after the man behind the theme from 'Ghostbusters,' he ain't even afraid of no ghosts.)

Unfortunately, your conditions don't leave you with a lot of options.

Putting up notes? Since you are neither searching for a lost dog nor advertising a yard sale, this one is out. Ditto knocking on doors the chances of someone giving useful information to a rando on their porch is essentially nil.

You could conceivably try and nail down the offending parties, going all backyard camo and sneaking over fences and following trails of discarded Natty Light cans and whatnot, but that's the sort of thing that is more likely to wind up with you getting arrested than Frankie Fireworks. Unless you're Liam Neeson, of course, but you're probably not; if you were, you'd have already used your special set of skills to take care of the situation.

Sorry, pal I've got nothing for you that isn't equal parts dangerous and illegal. If I were you, I'd suck it up and ring up the authorities. Or Liam Neeson.

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