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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - (04/15/15)

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I have what you'd probably consider an etiquette question, but there's no one I can really turn to in order to ask it.

My husband and I have been friends with another married couple for about five years now. This couple we'll call them 'Bob' and 'Alice' hit some rough times late last year and separated. We all figured this was just a precursor for divorce.

Recently, there have been whispers about Bob and Alice getting back together. We haven't seen them together ourselves, but friends have told us that Bob and Alice have been out and about, going out to dinner and such. They've apparently been doing this quite regularly. However, they haven't said anything to anyone about their reconciliation.

My question is: at what point can my husband and I invite them over like we did in the old days? We've seen them both separately at various times and neither one has mentioned anything about them getting back together. Can we just invite them both and pretend like it isn't weird? Or do we have to wait until they officially come out as reconciled?

I'm sure it seems silly, but Bob and Alive were our go-to couple friends for a long time and we've struggled to replace them. It would be great to have them back in the mix.

What should I do?

Curious in Orono

Dear Curious,

How hard is it to mind your own business?

Look, I don't doubt that your heart is in the right place sort of but on the list of reasons for caring about the well-being of someone else's relationship, having two more for game night sits pretty low.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe there's a reason they aren't talking about it? Like maybe they're genuinely struggling to reconstruct their faltering marriage? People don't separate on a whim they undoubtedly agonized over the decision before making the move. They had their reasons then and I'm sure they have their reasons now.

You said it yourself you figured they were going to get a divorce. Now, maybe they're not. You should try being happy for them and, I don't know, not heaping more needless and self-serving pressure onto the pile. The last thing these people need is some busybody squawking in their ears about how playing Cranium just isn't the same without them. Whatever they're doing, whatever direction their relationship is traveling, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Leave. Them. Alone.

You said you've hung out with Bob and Alice separately. Great! Keep doing that if you want. If anything noteworthy is happening, I'm sure they'll tell you eventually. Just don't succumb to the temptation to invite them both over so that you can force them to see just how much they mean to one another. You are not a d-bag 10-year-old in a terrible 80s movie trying to trick his parents into reuniting; your plan will not work.

If Bob and Alice want you to know what's up, they'll tell you. Keep your nose out of it.


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