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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - (04/08/15)

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I recently found myself in an incredibly awkward situation and I can't figure out what to do. I've asked all of my friends and we just can't come to any sort of consensus as to what the right move should be.

I was out at a bar a couple of weeks ago, catching up with some friends after work. I got up to go to the bathroom and spotted this dude I knew from way back; hadn't seen the guy in years, but I used to hang out with him and his wife quite a bit.

So I smile and wave and start to walk over, but when he catches sight of me, he gets this weird look on his face. That's when I notice that the woman cuddled up next to him is not his wife. It's too late to pretend we haven't seen each other, so I stop and we stumble through a couple of minutes of awkward small talk before I escape to the can.

After I got home, a quick internet check informed me that the two of them are still married (at least, according to Facebook, they are).

So what do I do? Do I contact this woman that I haven't spoken to in five years out of the blue and tell her that her husband is having an affair? I can't say with certainty that the guy was on a date (although the other chick was definitely acting like more than a friend). Do I tell him that I know the score? Or do I just forget I saw anything and continue living my life? Is it any of my business?

What's the play?

Bearing Witness in Bangor

Dear Witness,

Another ethical sticky wicket rears its moralistic little head.

Right off the top, you need to know that you're kind of boned. This is a classic 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' conundrum. From your story, it seems pretty clear that this guy is screwing around on his wife. It would seem that the right thing to do would be to inform said wife of Hubby's philandering ways.

Alas, there's no proof. And without said proof, Hubby can throw all kinds of denials Wifey's way and there's not a thing you can do about it. He can say that you were just drunk; he can say that you misinterpreted thingshell, he can say you made the whole thing up. All you've got is two minutes of barroom conversation. Maybe Hubby tells her that you're just jealous of him and that you want to make Wifey your own.

Can you prove you don't? No. No you can't.

Maybe and I stressmaybe telling Hubby that you know what he's up to could help the situation. But again, you've been out of their lives for years; he knows that at the end of the day, the likelihood of Wifey believing you over her husband is slim. And saying nothing is also a crap option, because then you get to feel a small degree of responsibility for an ongoing adulterous affair.

Sucks to be you, pal.

If I were you, I'd probably confront the dude and hope it prompts him to either cut the st or come clean to his wife. It probably won't work, but it's the lesser (lessest?) of three evils.

Good luck, man. I'm really glad I'm not you.

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