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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Dear Todd Parker - (03/25/15)

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This isn't going to be your typical letter, but this seemed like something that you should really know about.

My boyfriend and I are regular readers of yours. We've followed you almost from the beginning. We've always enjoyed what you bring to the table. You make us laugh even though you're a pretty big jerk.

But in the last few months, my boyfriend has stopped finding you funny. He has started getting paranoid that some of the letters you've been answering have been from me. It seems like he's seeing aspects of our relationship in all the problems that people have written to you about. I tried to laugh it off at first, but he kept at it. I tried asking him about what makes him think this is happening. Even when he has to reach to make a connection between a letter and our lives, all he'll say is that I changed the details.

My best guess is that he's freaking out because our relationship is progressing, which I totally get. It's an odd way for that to manifest, but who am I to judge? We all have our stuff, you know?

For what it's worth, I definitely haven't written any letters to you before this. This is my first. Can you print this and tell him that he's just being weird.

(It should be noted that I'm happy in my relationship and very much in love. I just want him to stop worrying so much.)

Worried in Old Town

Dear Worried,

You know he's just yanking your chain, right? He's trolling you. You know, assuming that this is happening at all. Maybe you're just yanking my chain? It wouldn't be the first time. Either way, I'm going to address this obvious bullcrap as if it were an actual thing.

Ahem.

What kind of sad sack projects his own shortcomings onto a clearly for sts and giggles 'advice' column? The idea that any relationship could possibly contain the wide variety of bizarre and/or stupid junk that I deal with on a weekly basis is patently absurd. I get stuff about terrible cooks and too many cats and hooking up with your best friend's ex these are things that simply will not all happen to the same couple.

Or is the guy an egomaniac? What kind of narcissist thinks each of his (apparently numerous) issues warrants exploration in a space such as this one? Does your guy have that mental disorder where people believe they're on 'The Truman Show'?

(Note: This is absolutely a thing. They call it The Truman Show Delusion or Truman Syndrome; sufferers believe their entire lives to be staged for the benefit of an unseen audience.)

You're going to have to sit him down and find out what the real problem is. I bet he knows just how ridiculous he's being; give him the opportunity to work through the issue and all this will simply go away.

At least until your next letter arrives, Worried. I do look forward to them so. As always, I look forward to deconstructing another of your loser boyfriend's many, MANY sad and pathetic faults.

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