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Todd Parker Todd Parker
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Ask Todd Parker - March 7, 2012

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Dear Todd Parker,

My roommate is a great guy, but he's kind of antisocial. On the rare occasion that we can convince him to hang out, it's always a lot of fun, but most of the time, he just sits in his room and messes around online.

So his birthday was the other day. Me and the other guys (there are four of us living there) decided to take him out to the bar. He whined a bunch, but we finally got him to go. After we got there, it was a blast. Folks showed up with cake. The guy didn't pay for a drink all night. He got pretty wasted and wound up hooking up with our friend Jess (not her real name).

Here's my dilemma: talking to him the next day, he clearly doesn't remember hooking up with this girl. Like at all. According to him, almost the entire evening is a blank. So do I tell him? It's been almost a week and I haven't seen Jess at all. If she isn't going to tell him, should I? I'm not sure anyone else knows.

What do I do?

Buddy in Bangor

Dear Buddy,

Ah, the drunken hookup. Classic.

I appreciate what you're trying to do for your boy here, Buddy. I've had a friend or two in the past that had difficulty with social interaction despite their inherent badassness. As long as your boy isn't battling depression or some other serious issue, you're probably doing all right by him.

As far as telling the kissing, I'm not sure of the right answer. It's a tangled web. Maybe she's embarrassed by what went down and so is trying to pretend it never happened. Or maybe she's totally into it and is just waiting for your boy to call her and take the next step. Unfortunately, it's impossible to say with any certainty which it is.

I think you tell him. While I acknowledge that there is probably some significant entertainment value in watching him twist in the wind, it'll almost certainly end better if you fess up now. If nothing else, the reminder might be all it takes to jog his rum-soaked memory and cue him as to what he should do.

(Of course, all this assumes that this chick is someone that you and your boys want around. If not, zip your lip and see how it plays out.)

I kid. You need to come clean, man. Think about it wouldn't you want him to tell you if you had hooked up and couldn't remember? Do unto others and all that happy crappy. And tell your boy that for his next birthday, Todd Parker wants an invite to the party.

Last modified on Thursday, 24 May 2012 01:05


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