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Ask Todd Parker - March 21, 2012

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Dear Todd Parker,

I'm a guy who just turned 30. I broke up with my girlfriend of five years about a year ago. I decided that if I didn't want to marry her I was just stringing both of us along. My dating life before her was easier since I was still in college, going to parties, and constantly meeting new people. Now I am in the realm of the adult dating world and have been a bit lost but learning quickly.

I met a girl about six months after the breakup and started hanging out semi-regularly; very low-key. I'm not looking for any kind of serious relationship or anything, but I don't know - I've been in a long-term relationship for so much of my dating life that it's all I know.

So this girl and I have made out a few times; she's even spent the night at my house once or twice. She seems into it, but I can't seem to find it in myself to take the next move and turn it into a sexual relationship. I have a nervousness that I haven't felt since I was a teenager. What should I do to get over the anxiety in the bedroom and take the relationship to the next level?

- Nervous in Orono

Dear Nervous,

The short answer? Grow a set and act like you've been somewhere.

Seriously, man. I get it; you were in a long-term relationship and it's hard to get over. But it sounds like you two were done long before you were done, if you get my meaning. And it seems like you did the right thing; I respect you not jerking your lady around.

You wanted to be single and now you are. Hooray for you. Not as easy as you thought, though, is it?

Dude, that nervousness is never going to go away. Never ever. You're just going to have to man up and play through it. Otherwise, you'll simply drift along in this bizarre bubble of pseudo-romance until the lady in question gets sick of waiting for you to make your move. So make it.

Don't let her get bored, pal. It's the kiss of death. You might be scared, but so what? She's probably scared, too. Don't go faster than you're comfortable going, but don't drag your feet either.

Be nervous, man. Just don't let it stop you. Hell, tell her how nervous you are. She'll probably find it cute and charming and subsequently be quite forgiving of the many, many mistakes that you are destined to make in the situation.

And always remember this one truth - you will mess up. A lot. But that's just because you're a guy and that's what we do. Just don't be such a damned pansy and you'll be fine.

Last modified on Thursday, 24 May 2012 01:04


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