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Ask Todd Parker - March 14, 2012

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Dear Todd Parker,

I recently married the love of my life. He is a sweet, caring, generous, wonderful man. We have a great relationship and I couldn't ask for anything more. The only thing is that he really likes to hit the bars with his friends two or three times a week. I'm never asked to go and it's almost as if he doesn't want me along. 

The problem is I know there are other women in the places he goes, and some of them are kind of sketchy and would probably sleep with any man with a pulse who looked their way. They're not the kind of people I would want to be around anyway, but I don't want him around them either.

When he goes with his friends, he sometimes doesn't get home until after midnight. The lateness doesn't really bother me because I really do trust him, and it is a small town so I'll know if something happens. The temptation is there though, and if anything happens, what's done is done. For all I know, he could have already slept his way through every trashy woman in town. His friends, most of whom are single, are no better.

I just don't know if I should tell him to stop it entirely or what. What do you think?

Worried in Bangor

Dear Worried,

Oh, by all means, tell him to stop. That won't make you come off like a domineering shrew or anything.

Seriously, the guy didn't just start going to the bars after he married you, did he? You already knew that bar-hopping with his lowlife friends was part of the equation going in. You married the guy, and you seem to love and trust him. So let him go.

Granted, the possibility exists that he's out there skanking it up. That's true, but just because something could happen doesn't mean it will. Just because he isn't inviting you doesn't mean he's hiding anything. Sometimes all a dude wants is to hang out and be an a-hole with other dudes. It doesn't mean he loves your company any less.

If anything, your man is probably pulling wingman duty, helping his pals hook up and preventing them from making regrettable decisions through scorn, derision and mockery. That's good. It's healthy. Let him get the jackassery out of his system with his crew rather than subject you to it. Frankly, you should probably be pleased.

Of course, it goes without saying that if he actually is screwing around on you, you need to make him pay. Guys like that give us one-woman a-holes a bad name.

Last modified on Thursday, 24 May 2012 01:05

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