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Ask Todd Parker - 11-02-11

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Dear Todd Parker,

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a little over a year now. I always enjoy the time that I spend with him and he really goes out of his way to show me that he cares about me. There's a problem, though.

I hate his friends.

Maybe not hate, at least not most of them. Although they're all kind of jerks. But his best friend 'Dave' (not his real name) is a giant pain. He just sucks. I've spent the past year trying to like him, but he's always just such a prick. When he's around, my boyfriend spends almost all of his time talking to him. When he does involve me in the conversation, he's always pointing out issues and causing problems.

I finally decided that it was Dave or me. I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to hang out with Dave anymore and if he really loved me, he'd honor my wish. Instead, he got mad at me! Like I was doing something wrong! He told me that all he wanted was for me to be friends with Dave, but that I kept causing problems. I guess Dave told my boyfriend that I was always standoffish, like I never wanted to talk to him. He just forgot the part where I never talked to him because he was a jerk.

What should I do? My boyfriend never answered my question, but I think he might pick Dave over me. Help!

Fed Up in Brewer

Dear Fed Up,

Are you being serious right now?

Have you never heard the expression 'bros before hoes'? I don't care how great your relationship is; you start issuing ultimatums about his friends and things are going to go downhill fast.

Any man worth his salt is going to have buddies. Sorry if they upset your genteel sensibilities, but suck it up. A dude needs dudes, and when his dudes are around, of course he's going to spend more time with them then he does with you. I'm betting that he doesn't spend nearly as much time with them now as he did before you were in the picture, so he's embracing it when he can get it. He sees you all the time, babe. Let him hang with his friends.

Something is bothering me about your story, Fed Up. You say that Dave is the one causing the problems, but that's all you say. There are no specifics, which leads me to believe that it's mostly in your head, that it is in fact you who are the problem, not Dave. That theory is strengthened by the sheer insanity of your declaration. Him or me? Really? What kind of psycho pulls that crap?

If you can't handle your man hanging out with men, then you're in trouble. Because no man worth his salt is going to completely abandon his entire circle of friends just because some chick has decided that those friends are jerks. The fact that your boo hasn't caved yet is a point in his favor.

Take it back. If you really do care about him, take it back. Let him have his friends. Even if you don't like them, at the end of the day he's coming home to you. Isn't that the important bit?

Or don't. Be a nutbar and die alone. Giving a st is not among my listed duties.

Last modified on Monday, 19 December 2011 16:36

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