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Ask Todd Parker - (04-06-2016)

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Dear Todd Parker,

My man and I live together and things are pretty perfect. We used to fight a lot, but now we just have little petty fights and they're pretty far and few. He's very romantic and sweet and there's no doubt in my mind that he's serious about being with me. However, he never takes me seriously. Sometimes when I'm trying to discuss something with him on a serious level, he still jokes around. The other times I try to discuss things, he doesn't want to talk about it. I feel like he belittles me and doesn't realize it. When I tell him why I'm sad and concerned, he says I worry too much.

This is not how I want to be comforted. Of course I would love to tell him all this, but I don't think he'll really listen, just blow it off like always. I've had some stupid relationships and one really bad one and although we've gone through our fair share of crap too, this is the best relationship I could ever ask for. My family loves him and knows he's great, which means a lot to me. While I definitely don't think this could lead to our downfall, it is a major blockage.

How should I handle this?

Concerned in Bangor

Dear Concerned,

Is this seriously all you have to complain about?

Look - no relationship is ever going to be perfect. There are always going to be some minor differences and difficulties between two people. That's just how we operate. The occasional 'little petty fight' and a failure to 'take you seriously?' Just be thankful he isn't cheating on you with his meth dealer.

As far as your guy goes, my guess is that his joking is a defense mechanism. Truth be told, he's probably a little overwhelmed by his good fortune. I'd also say he might be a little intimidated by you. Keeping it light could be his way of operating on a level that he's comfortable with.

Or maybe he's just a goofy jackass who has no concept of what real feelings are. Hard to say.

Still, I'd say that he probably respects you deeply; he just doesn't know how to deal with it. And so he gets jokey, which upsets you, which in turn upsets him. And rather than own up to his behavior, he panics and acts like there's nothing to own up to. Sound familiar.

You have to decide. Is this relatively innocuous issue enough to cause major turmoil over? Or should you maybe give your dude the benefit of the doubt. It seems pretty clear that he loves you, and in Todd Parker's experience, there can't be love without respect.

Okay, that's just gross. Good luck to you, Concerned.

Last modified on Wednesday, 06 April 2016 15:53

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