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Wednesday, 11 May 2022 11:00

Celebrity Slam - Life imitates art?

Written by Allen Adams

We here at Celebrity Slam are here for the drama. Of course we are – drama is what gives us the sorts of items that allow us to do what we do. We love it when famous people get up to their usual shenanigans so we can have a little fun at their expense.

But sometimes, we get something that feels almost TOO perfect. The sort of item that is seemingly tailor-made for what we do here. And so it is this week.

Before we get into the details, we should do a refresher on the Celebrity Slam Theorem. For those unfamiliar with the rough math of CS, here’s a quick refresher. The more famous a person is, the less outlandish their actions need to be to warrant inclusion here. Also, the inverse is true. This is important information due to the fact that we’re going to be talking about a soap opera star whose name you probably don’t know, so, y’know … it’s gonna get weird.

Wednesday, 11 May 2022 10:59

Weird National Briefs (05/11/2022)

Written by Allen Adams

Better sorry than safe

BERLIN (AP) — Firefighters in the western German town of Bocholt received an unusual distress call Friday from a local high school after teachers were unable to open a safe containing the questions for a final-year exam that students were due to take.

Firefighters raced to the scene to find that the lock had jammed and set about sawing open the safe, the Bocholt fire department said.

“That way the students were able to sit their exam with about an hour’s delay,” it said.

While teachers cheered the firefighters for saving the day, the reaction from students was mixed.

“Some of them would probably have enjoyed a sunny day off instead,” said fire department spokesman Matthias Hanne.

TME – And that’s how you create petty arsonists.

Wednesday, 04 May 2022 11:08

Celebrity Slam - A couple of Kardashian items

Written by Allen Adams

Things have been a little off-kilter in this space over the past few weeks. For whatever reason, the world of Celebrity Slam has been wonky, with stories that are either really wild or really dark or really … something. And that’s been OK – there was a long stretch where we were visiting with the same handful of famous folks over and over again. That stretch appears to be over. We’ve been doing our best to steer clear, but it seems that we’ve reached an impasse:

So - let’s talk Kardashians.

We’ve actually got a couple of different Kardashian stories to discuss this week. We’ll start with the one that has more real-world implications.

Wednesday, 04 May 2022 11:07

Weird National Briefs (05/04/2022)

Written by Allen Adams

Twin it to win it

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) — A Florida man was sentenced Tuesday to two years in federal prison for using his twin brother’s stolen identity to obtain tens of thousands of dollars in military veterans benefits.

Wayne Bowen, 64, was sentenced in Jacksonville federal court, according to court records. He pleaded guilty in January to aggravated identity theft. He must also pay $63,773 in restitution.

According to a plea agreement, Bowen used the name, Social Security card and military discharge papers of his estranged twin brother in 2014 to apply for federally subsidized housing benefits intended for indigent military veterans. The program was administered by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Bowen admitted to federal agents that he had been using his brother’s identity for years, prosecutors said. Bowen had obtained a Florida identification card using his twin’s identity. He initially told the agents that he and his twin had served in and been honorably discharged from the U.S. Army but later admitted that those were lies.

Based on Bowen’s fraudulent use of his brother’s identity, the VA provided him with $32,434 in medical services, HUD provided him with $18,905 in housing subsidies, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture funded $12,434 in nutritional benefits for him, officials said. Bowen’s twin, who lives in another state, confirmed that he didn’t apply for any of the benefits and that he never gave Bowen permission to use his name.

TME – Easiest identity theft ever.

Wednesday, 27 April 2022 09:24

Celebrity Slam - Fight the unfriendly skies

Written by Allen Adams

We do not condone violence here at Celebrity Slam. We are big fans of wounding with words, not with fists, and the reality is that there are vanishingly few situations in which resorting to physical confrontation is the right thing to do.

However, we are also charged with addressing the weird and wild things that celebrities get up to. Sometimes – not often, but occasionally – those things veer into the realm of the physical, leaving us little choice but to discuss them in this space.

So yes, we are in fact going to talk about Mike Tyson punching that guy.

Wednesday, 27 April 2022 09:23

Weird National Briefs (04/27/2022)

Written by Allen Adams

Out(house) of service area

QUILCENE, Wash. (AP) — A woman who accidentally dropped her cellphone into the hole of an outhouse in a national forest and fell in while trying to retrieve it had to be rescued by firefighters in Washington state.

Brinnon Fire Department Chief Tim Manly said the woman, who was at the top of Mount Walker in the Olympic National Forest northwest of Seattle, had been using her phone when it fell into the toilet on Tuesday, The Kitsap Sun reported.

Manly said she disassembled the toilet seat and used dog leashes to try and get the phone and eventually used the leashes to tie herself off as she reached for it. That effort failed and she fell into the toilet headfirst.

“They didn’t work very well and in she went,” Manly said.

The woman was alone and tried to get out for 10 to 15 minutes. Reunited with her phone, she called 911, Manly said.

Responding firefighters passed her blocks to stand on to reach a harness, which they used to pull her out of the vault. The Brinnon Fire Department said the woman said she was uninjured.

She was washed down and “strongly encouraged to seek medical attention after being exposed to human waste, but she only wanted to leave,” the department said.

“I’ve been doing this for 40 years, and that was a first,” Manly said.

TME – What a crappy situation.

Wednesday, 20 April 2022 10:48

Celebrity Slam - No turn unstoned

Written by Allen Adams

We’re aware that things have gotten heavy a bit more often than usual in this space in recent months. The truth is that we go where the celebrities take us, and for whatever reason, we’ve been forced to be just a bit realer than we might otherwise want to get.

While we’re not promising that we won’t venture back into deeper waters in the future, you’ll be happy to know that we’ve found just the right lighthearted idiocy for this April 20 edition of Celebrity Slam.

Seth Rogen is in a fight with Jack in the Box. You’re welcome.

Wednesday, 20 April 2022 10:46

Weird National Briefs (04/20/2022)

Written by Allen Adams

Grand theft cart

FARGO, N.D. (AP) — A Florida man linked to dozens of motorized golf cart thefts in the Upper Midwest was sentenced Tuesday to two years in federal prison.

The FBI began investigating Nathan Rodney Nelson in July 2019 after the Cass County Sheriff’s Office in Fargo, North Dakota, asked for help in solving a series of golf cart thefts starting in 2017 in the Dakotas, Minnesota and Wisconsin.

Nelson, a former Minnesota resident living in Apollo Beach, Florida, was eventually arrested in June 2020 while he was caught trying to steal golf carts from a dealer in Donalsonville, Georgia. He also was carrying pre-printed serial number labels and burglary tools, according to court documents.

Investigators say he stole at least 63 golf carts in seven states, worth at least $283,500.

Nelson would typically steal carts in pairs from rural Midwestern golf courses, usually at night. He sold many of the carts under the alias Mason Weber, at a cost of about $2,500 each, court documents show.

Defense attorney Lorelle Moeckel said in a sentencing memorandum that her client was not able to keep his business going and pay his bills. He came up with the idea to steal golf carts to solve his financial problems and “from there it became easier and easier for him to stray from his long held moral compass.”

Nelson pleaded guilty in December to interstate transportation of stolen property. His sentencing calls for him to serve three years of supervised release and pay back about $14,000.

TME – That’s what you get when you put the cart before the course.

Wednesday, 13 April 2022 10:42

Celebrity Slam - Blast from the past!

Written by Allen Adams

It’s unhealthy to spend all of our time living in the past. While it can be nice to revisit some fond memories, the truth is that too much focus on what went before can cause real problems. There’s a reason noted internet judge John Hodgman calls nostalgia a “toxic impulse” – more time in the past means less time in the present.

But sometimes … sometimes the past and present collide. Such a collision has recently taken place and dear reader, we are HERE FOR IT.

In case you’ve been stranded in the wilderness with no bars for the past few days, it is our pleasure to inform you that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are engaged. Again!

Wednesday, 13 April 2022 10:41

Weird National Briefs (04/13/2022)

Written by Allen Adams

Dumpster dive discovery

WATERBURY, Conn. (AP) — A trove of paintings and other artwork found in an abandoned barn has turned out to be worth millions.

Notified by a contractor, Waterbury auto mechanic Jared Whipple retrieved the dirt-covered pieces in 2017 from a dumpster containing materials from a barn in Watertown. Whipple later found out they were by Francis Hines, an abstract expressionist who died in 2016 at 96 and had kept his work stored in the barn, Hearst Connecticut Media Group reported.

Hines was renowned for his “wrapping” pieces, in which fabric is wrapped around an object. His art has been compared to that of Christo and Jeanne-Claude, who became famous for wrapping installations around Europe, including the Arc de Triomphe in Paris.

Hines wrapped more than 10 buildings in New York including the Washington Square Arch, JFK Airport and the Port Authority Bus Terminal, art curator and historian Peter Hastings Falk told the news outlet.

The hundreds of pieces of art retrieved by Whipple included paintings, sculptures and small drawings. Hastings Falk estimated the “wrapped” paintings can be sold at around $22,000 apiece and his drawings at around $4,500.

Whipple showed some of the pieces at a gallery in Waterbury last year, and recently decided to sell some of the art. He is collaborating with Hollis Taggart, a New York City-based gallery, on exhibits in New York and Connecticut in shows beginning next month.

Since finding the treasure trove, Whipple has researched Hines’ work and contacted the artist’s family, who, he said, have allowed him to keep and sell the art.

“I pulled it out of this dumpster and I fell in love with it,” Whipple told the news outlet. “I made a connection with it. My purpose is to get Hines into the history books.”

TME – In this case, one man’s trash is literally another man’s treasure.

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