Tuesday, 14 September 2021 14:24

Celebrity Slam - MMA at the VMAs

Written by Allen Adams

One of the wonderful things about celebrity beef is that there are so many different flavors. You’ve got the long-simmering beef, where the players involved have been at it for years or even decades. You’ve got the fast-food beef, the conflicts that spring up and are almost immediately quashed – they burn hot, but briefly.

But then, you’ve got the surprise beef. It’s relatively rare, but this is the beef that pops up out of nowhere, between people that have no obvious connection to one another. Surprise beef is fun because it doesn’t always make sense. Often, crossover beef is surprise beef, when people celebrated in different spheres suddenly overlap in a Venn diagram of delightful idiocy.

This brings us to this past weekend, where Conor McGregor wound up in some kind of confrontation with Machine Gun Kelly while they were both on the red carpet for the MTV VMAs. We’re talking basically beef Mad Libs here; it’s like someone simply said two random famous names and suddenly they’re fighting.

Tuesday, 14 September 2021 14:23

Weird National Briefs (09/15/2021)

Written by Tim Bissell

Avian enigma

BERLIN (AP) — Is anyone missing an ostrich?

An animal shelter says it is looking for the owner of an ostrich chick that was found in the German town of Krefeld late Friday.

German news agency dpa reported Saturday that passers-by called the fire service after catching the 1.4-meter (4-foot-6) -tall bird in a town park.

A vet found the 4-to-5-month-old chick to be in good health, dpa reported.

Krefeld Zoo said the bird wasn’t one of theirs.

TME – We were told ostriches were flightless.

Tuesday, 07 September 2021 14:05

Celebrity Slam - Pork and beef

Written by Allen Adams

Feuds between famous folks serve as a primary fuel source for this feature, right alongside celebrity romances. We love beef – the spicier, the better.

That said, there’s a wide variety of beef out there. The vast spectrum of beef ranges all over the map. Sometimes, you get two very famous people going after one another – that beef doesn’t have to be all that spicy to be noteworthy; megafame buys you a lot of leeway. The less capital-F Famous the participants are, the more outlandish the beef needs to be.

Every once in a while, though, you get one that is delightful for reasons that you never would have imagined. We’re not talking about Kobe or Wagyu – this is beef so precious and rare that there isn’t even a name for it. Magical beef. Transcendent beef.

And folks, have we got something for you.

By now, you’ve probably heard all about Kanye West’s new album “Donda.” It dropped amidst a bit of controversy, with all sorts of back and forth going on between Ye and Drake, who also had a new album. The two rappers took shots at each other, dropping diss tracks and generally being big old d-bags to one another. It’s fine, it’s part of the deal – hip-hop beef sells records, and neither of these guys is a fool when it comes to the business side of things.

But we’ve already talked about the Kanye/Drake beef. Good stuff, for sure – these are top-tier famous guys and they definitely felt plenty comfortable going hard after one another. And yet, somehow, this hasn’t even been the best “Donda”-adjacent beef to hit in recent days. What’s that? You can’t imagine how any beef could possibly outshine this particular conflict? You want to know what famous figure could engage in Kanye beef that would supersede Drake?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you … Peppa Pig. Yes, really.

Wednesday, 01 September 2021 12:06

Celebrity Slam - Remembering Ed Asner

Written by Allen Adams

I’m as susceptible to sentimentality as anyone.

Sure, the vast majority of what happens in this space is scornful cynicism. Mockery and derision abound. And don’t get me wrong, there’s something deeply satisfying of poking fun at the various missteps and misdeeds of the rich and famous. Most weeks, that’s exactly what we do.

Hell, last week there was enough material for multiple Slams courtesy of Kanye alone.

However, sometimes, it’s important to recognize the truly great humans in the Hollywood sphere – particularly when the time comes for us to bid them a fond farewell.

The great Ed Asner passed away recently at the age of 91. And when I say “great,” I don’t mean as an actor – although he definitely was. I mean as a human being; all one has to do is look at the outpouring of affection that followed in the wake of his passing, story after story after story of Asner generally being a good dude.

And let’s be real – there aren’t enough good dudes in the world.

Wednesday, 01 September 2021 12:03

Weird National Briefs (09/01/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

Porn payout

GRAND HAVEN, Mich. (AP) — A judge has ordered a western Michigan couple to pay $30,441 to their son for getting rid of his pornography collection.

U.S. District Judge Paul Maloney’s decision this week came eight months after David Werking, 43, won a lawsuit against his parents.

He said they had no right to throw out his collection of films, magazines and other items. Werking had lived at their Grand Haven home for 10 months after a divorce before moving to Muncie, Indiana.

The judge followed the value set by an expert, reported. Werking’s parents also must pay $14,500 to their son’s attorney.

After moving to Indiana, Werking learned that his possessions were missing.

“Frankly, David, I did you a big favor getting rid of all this stuff,” his dad said in an email.

TME – Time to be an adult.

Wednesday, 25 August 2021 11:47

Celebrity Slam - Kanye/Drake beef is back!

Written by Allen Adams

Well folks – looks like beef is back on the menu!

We won’t belabor the enduring affection we have for famous feuds here at Celebrity Slam – if you’ve read this feature with any regularity, you’re already well aware of our feelings. But it had been a while since we were able to dig into that sizzling steak – the only beef-related story we’ve carried in the last couple of months revolved around Kanye and Jay-Z squashing their longtime conflict.

Happily, it turns out that while Yeezy was in a forgiving mood with regard to Jay, he’s still ready to get beefy if the situation calls for it. And thanks to a just-released track featuring Drake, our man Kanye is amped to throw down.

Wednesday, 25 August 2021 11:46

Weird National Briefs (08/25/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

You’re the one

BELFAST (AP) — The sudden appearance of a giant rubber duck in a Maine harbor is a whimsical whodunit that’s defied sleuths so far.

The yellow waterfowl emblazoned with the word “joy” appeared in Belfast Harbor over the weekend, and it’s a mystery who put it there.

Harbor Master Katherine Given told the Bangor Daily News that the 25-foot-tall (7 1/2 meter) duck doesn’t pose a navigational hazard, so there’s no rush to shoo it away.

“Everybody loves it,” Given said. “I have no idea who owns it, but it kind of fits Belfast. A lot of people want to keep it here.”

Judy Herman, of Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, stopped to snap photos on Tuesday.

“It’s wonderful,” she told New England Cable News. “Who would expect to see a duck in the middle of the water here?”

TME – It’s all fun and games until Kaiju Ernie shows up.

Wednesday, 18 August 2021 11:34

Celebrity Slam - A Shade is Born

Written by Allen Adams

Have you ever wondered how famous people feel when a project for which they are particularly known is remade? Living as we do in an era of reboots and remakes, one can imagine that a certain type of person is irritated or perhaps even infuriated by the fact that their superstar vehicle is now being driven by someone else.

However, we wouldn’t have guessed that Barbra Streisand was one of those people.

Streisand was appearing on an Australian talk show to promote her new album when she started throwing some shade at the 2018 version of “A Star is Born.” The film – which starred Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga – is the latest iteration of that story; the previous incarnation, released back in 1976, featured Kris Kristofferson and Babs herself.

In the interview, Streisand seemed to take the film to task for – wait for it – being unoriginal.

Wednesday, 18 August 2021 11:32

Weird National Briefs (08/18/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

Rescued dog

BERLIN (AP) — No job is too small for Hamburg police.

Officers in the German city found themselves having to perform CPR on a Chihuahua last week after a distraught girl came rushing into a police station saying her pet had stopped breathing after she accidentally dropped it.

After checking its vitals, officers cupped the dog’s nose to provide mouth-to-snout resuscitation and massaged its tiny heart all the way to a nearby veterinary clinic.

In a statement Friday, Hamburg police said vets later called the precinct to say the dog was in a stable condition.

TME – Doggone? Not on my watch!

Wednesday, 11 August 2021 11:04

Celebrity Slam - Wishy-washy

Written by Allen Adams

Celebrities: They’re just like us.

You’ve probably heard that before, yes? This notion that famous people are still just regular people, only with lives filled with adulation/infamy and (probably) money? It’s an attractive thought, this idea that living a life in the spotlight doesn’t mean that, deep down, that person’s any different than us.

Hot nonsense, but attractive.

Celebrities are weirdoes. Their brains operate differently than ours do, cooked under the constant glare of our attention. This isn’t to say that they’re bad people – though plenty of them are – so much as to recognize that they’re not normal. They’re strange. If they’ve been dealing with fame and its trappings for long enough, they’re basically aliens.

Case in point: the number of them who readily, happily admit that they don’t believe in bathing.

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