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Wednesday, 20 October 2021 11:16

Celebrity Slam - An immodest proposal

Written by Allen Adams

Our affinity for celebrity romances is well-documented here at Celebrity Slam. Even when we have the opportunity to make fun of the misdeeds of the rich and famous, when the opportunity presents itself, we’re always going to go for the love story.

What can we say? We’re romantics.

So obviously, we’re going to have to talk about Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker and their recent engagement. That’s right – Travis popped the question and Kourtney said yes.

(This is the part where we talk about how happy we are that we did the heavy lifting and assembled their celebrity couple name back in April, after they’d been dating just a few months. We spent a good deal of time and energy coming up with our winner – Kourtnis Barkdashian. It was that all-too-rare opportunity to go with the double portmanteau, so obviously we took it. For the remainder of this story, we’ll use “Kourtnis,” but please understand that the “Barkdashian” is always – ALWAYS – implied.)

Wednesday, 20 October 2021 11:14

Weird National Briefs (10/20/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

Circle of life

PINE, Colo. (AP) — Wildlife officials in Colorado say an elusive elk that has been wandering the hills with a car tire around its neck for at least two years has finally been freed of the obstruction.

The 4 1/2-year-old, 600-pound (270-kilogram) bull elk was spotted near Pine Junction, southwest of Denver, on Saturday evening and tranquilized, according to Colorado Parks and Wildlife. Officers with the agency had to cut off the elk’s five-point antlers to remove the encumbrance because they couldn’t slice through the steel in the bead of the tire.

“We would have preferred to cut the tire and leave the antlers for his rutting activity, but the situation was dynamic, and we had to just get the tire off in any way possible,” officer Scott Murdoch said.

Murdoch and fellow officer Dawson Swanson estimated the elk shed about 35 pounds (16 kilograms) with the removal of the tire, the antlers and debris inside the tire.

Wildlife officers first spotted the elk with the tire around its neck in July 2019 while conducting a population survey for Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep and mountain goats in the Mount Evans Wilderness.

They say they have seen deer, elk, moose, bears and other wildlife become entangled in a number of items, including swing sets, hammocks, clotheslines, decorative or holiday lighting, furniture, tomato cages, chicken feeders, laundry baskets, soccer goals and volleyball nets.

TME – He looked pretty tired.

Tuesday, 12 October 2021 12:00

Alien identification

Written by Allen Adams

We here at Celebrity Slam are all about inclusion. We believe that it is important to be conscious of the manner in which people choose to be identified. We think that self-identification is a basic right, and that we should all strive to avoid using terminology that pushes against that identity.

That said, we occasionally see an item that leaves us scratching our heads and wondering just how we got here.

This brings us to Demi Lovato, who had some … interesting things to say while in the midst of promoting their new Peacock docuseries titled “Unidentified,” wherein they and their friends head out in search of proof of Martians or whatever (and ostensibly find some, but it wouldn’t be a show about aliens if someone wasn’t claiming proof of something somewhere).

Tuesday, 12 October 2021 11:58

Weird National Briefs (10/13/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

In hot water

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — A Tennessee entrepreneur whose hot tub on wheels is one of downtown Nashville’s best-known party vehicles has been told to stop operating a public swimming pool without a permit, a lawsuit says.

Nashville’s metropolitan government asked a judge to temporarily shut down the mobile tub in a lawsuit filed last week, The Tennessean reported. A hearing is scheduled next Wednesday.

The health department informed Music City Party Tub of the violation in an Aug. 11 letter, according to the report. The party vehicle has been a regular presence in Nashville’s downtown entertainment district since April 2019, touted on a website as allowing at least six or seven revelers to soak at one time.

It was that month that owner Guy Williams stopped by the health department, the agency says, adding staff told him to submit design plans and apply for a pool permit. The party tub on a trailer was inspected and Williams was told what to fix to be approved, but the lawsuit says he never returned.

Health department workers spotted Williams running his vehicle in September 2020 and confronted him about not having a pool permit, according to the suit. It said he claimed he was exempt because the hot tub fell 50 gallons (190 liters) shy of the “minimum capacity” for a public pool.

The lawsuit said such an exemption doesn’t exist. What’s more, it said, the business isn’t registered with the state and does not have a county business license.

Williams could not be immediately reached for comment.

TME – If hot tubs on trailers are outlawed, only outlaws will have hot tubs on trailers.

Wednesday, 06 October 2021 12:50

Celebrity Slam - Hogs don't lie

Written by Allen Adams

We’ve been hearing a little bit from you folks in recent weeks. You’ve been sharing your thoughts – well, your complaints – about the direction in which this feature has been going. You claim that we’re getting soft, that more and more often, we’ve been addressing feel-good stories in this space rather than taking the rich and famous to task for their idiocy.

And honestly? You might be right.

The reality is that a lot of the celebrity lunacy out there isn’t really appropriate for the kind of snark we bring to the table. There are certain subjects that we don’t think are funny and certainly don’t merit the usual off-color scorn and derision we bring to the table. So yes, we have been taking things in a lighter direction as of late. Sorry about that.

That said, this week’s item might give you something to think about.

We’re going to be talking about Shakira. Specifically, the fact that last week, she and her kid were attacked by a pair of wild boars in Spain. The boars also stole her purse, according to the pop singer.

Oh, we have your attention now, do we?

Wednesday, 06 October 2021 12:48

Weird National Briefs (10/06/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

Art of the steal?

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) — A Danish artist who was was given a pile of money by a museum with which to create a piece of artwork, submitted two empty canvases — titled “Take the Money and Run.”

Jens Haaning was given the equivalent of nearly $84,000 in Danish kroner and euro bank notes by the Kunsten Museum of Modern Art in Aalborg.

For its exhibition on labor conditions and money, entitled “Work It Out” that opened Sept. 24, the museum commissioned him to recreate two of his earlier pieces, which featured bank notes attached to a canvas representing the average annual wage in Denmark and Austria. As well as lending him the notes, the museum also paid him 25,000 kroner ($3,900) for the work.

But when museum officials received the completed artworks, they were blank.

“The artwork is that I have taken the money,” Haaning told a radio show on the P1 channel that is part of Danish broadcaster DR this week. He declined to say where the money was.

Haaning, who is known as a provocateur, said the artwork represented his current work situation.

“I encourage others who have just as miserable working conditions as I to do the the same,” Haaning told P1. “If they are being asked to give money to go to work, then take the money and run.”

The museum says Haaning has broken the agreement on how to use the money. However, it has not yet decided whether to report Haaning to the police if the money is not returned before the exhibition ends in January.

Haaning, however, denies having committed a crime and insists he did produce a work of art.

“It’s not theft, it is a breach of contract, and the breach of contract is part of the work,” Haaning told P1. He was not reachable for comment on Wednesday.

TME - *intentionally left blank*

Wednesday, 29 September 2021 12:08

Celebrity Slam - To boldly go ...

Written by Allen Adams

Look, we’re going to level with you here – there are times when this space is defined by necessity. Sometimes, we might not be particularly enthusiastic about an item, but the cupboard is bare that week. Hence, we tackle an item we might not otherwise.

Other times, it’s an embarrassment of riches, leaving us trapped in our own Celebrity Slam Sophie’s Choice-type situation, knowing that no matter what option we choose, we will be left with some regrets.

(We’re also pretty adamant about keeping it light in this feature, so don’t expect to see us discussing Britney Spears and R. Kelly here; ultimately, it’s supposed to be fun and there is nothing fun about situations like those.)

So there are two stories that have captured our attention this week. One involves a musician getting booed at a concert (along with some other delightful details). The other involves a beloved TV star getting to engage in real life with a notion that made him famous in the television world.

The first is Machine Gun Kelly. The second is William Shatner.

Oh, hell – who are we kidding? Screw MGK, we’re going with JTK – James Tiberius Kirk!

Wednesday, 29 September 2021 12:06

Weird National Briefs (09/29/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

On the moo-ve no more

MORICHES, N.Y. (AP) — A bull that escaped from a farm on Long Island and eluded searchers for two months has been captured, authorities said Thursday.

The 1,500-pound (680-kilogram) bull, nicknamed Barney or Barnie, was corralled late Wednesday by staff from Skylands Animal Sanctuary and Rescue, Suffolk County SPCA Chief Roy Gross said in a news release.

Photos posted by the animal sanctuary on Facebook showed the bull on a bed of hay inside a trailer.

“Look who we found cruising around Long Island,” the organization said. “He is one handsome kid.”

Suffolk County police used drones and helicopters to help capture the bull, who will live out his days at the Skylands sanctuary in Wantage, New Jersey, Gross said.

Rescuers had been searching the animal ever since he broke through the fence at a Moriches farm on July 20, but he remained on the lam as residents of the area posted sightings on social media.

“We would like to thank everyone for their support and concern as well as rescue groups who also assisted during this ordeal,” Gross said. “Great job of collaboration by all who participated.”

TME – Do you bull-ieve in miracles?

Wednesday, 22 September 2021 11:16

Celebrity Slam - Scoop! There it is!

Written by Allen Adams

You may have noticed a recent trend in this space to broaden our horizons somewhat. While we’ve always been amenable to addressing different sorts of celebrity stories here, beyond the usual egotistical idiocy and internet beefing, the truth is that we’ve spent a little more time embracing the more positive aspects of the celebrity sphere.

It’s not that we haven’t lost our edge – far from it. And it’s not that we’ve lost our affection for pointing out and punching up at the foibles of the rich and famous. It’s just that there’s something nice about using this space to celebrate rather than scorn sometimes. We’ve gotten a taste for it, and we like it.

And you know, speaking of great tastes …

If you own a television, you almost certainly have seen the Geico commercial featuring the ‘90s one-hit wonder hip-hop sensations Tag Team singing an adaptation of their iconic “Whoomp! There It Is” about delicious ice cream. God knows they play the thing enough. In particular, if you’re a football watcher, you have been inundated with that ad.

But if you’re like us, you’re not mad about it. In fact, you’re thrilled.

Wednesday, 22 September 2021 11:14

Weird National Briefs (09/22/2021)

Written by Allen Adams

Sin City snakepit

LAS VEGAS (AP) — Las Vegas police found 30 boa constrictors in a home and then determined that nothing was amiss.

Investigators came across the snakes Tuesday during an unspecified law enforcement investigation and promptly called Clark County Animal Control, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported.

The county agency responded “and determined the possession of the animals was not criminal,” police spokesman Larry Hadfield said in an email.

County spokesman Dan Kulin said local laws don’t prohibit having dozens of boa constrictors in a residence.

“However, for practical purposes there would be a limit on the number of animals that someone could adequately care for,” Kulin said in an email. “For any legally owned animal the owner must provide clean water and food, a clean area or cage, the animal(s) must be kept in an appropriate area, and if confined to a cage the animal must be confined in a safe manner. Failure to provide a safe and clean living space could lead to animal cruelty charges.”

The boa constrictors were in “in appropriate cages” so no action was taken, Kulin said.

TME – “Nothing was amiss” my ass.

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