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Thursday, 02 July 2020 11:39

Celebrity Slam - Grip it and rip it

Written by Allen Adams

Hello friends! We have returned!

Now that The Maine Edge is back in print, we here at Celebrity Slam have decided to make our way back as well. The truth is that in these trying times, it’s good to be able to have a laugh or two – particularly at the expense of the rich and famous, who despite everything going on in the world still manage to find time to say and do dumb and/or goofy things.

This week’s entry might not have as much star power as we usually see in this space, but it more than makes up for it in sheer joyous silliness. Believe it or not, we’re hitting the PGA links.

Specifically, we’re talking about the Travelers Championship, which took place over the weekend. And we’re talking about Ian Poulter, a veteran of professional golf with a decorated career. Why are we talking about Ian Poulter, you may ask?

Well … let’s just say that he gave a whole new meaning to the golf adage “grip it and rip it.”

Thursday, 02 July 2020 11:37

Weird National Briefs (07/01/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Whose kid is this?

ODESSA, Fla. (AP) — A Florida woman has filed a lawsuit seeking either a paternity test on her goats or a refund — and she’s not kidding.

Kris Hedstrom filed the suit against her neighbor, Heather Dayner, last month seeking DNA for the goats she purchased. Hedstrom paid Dayner $900 for five Nigerian dwarf goats in December.

According to the lawsuit, Hedstrom believed the goats — Bella, Gigi, Rosie, Zelda and Margoat — could be registered with the American Dairy Goat Association, a group that records goat pedigrees. Registered goats have higher values than unregistered goats.

Dayner, who has been selling goats at Baxter Lane Farm for about 10 years, typically provides information to her clients so they can register their animals themselves.

She said the father goat was registered, but the Tampa Bay Times reports the American Dairy Goat Association rejected Hedstrom’s application to register the babies because Dayner is not an active member.

Proving paternity would require about 40 of the father goat’s hair follicles for a DNA test, so Hedstrom wrote Dayner a letter requesting the DNA in February.

Dayner offered to refund the money in exchange for the goats.

She said Hedstrom called police on her for three months straight and has trespassed on her farm. A Hillsborough County Sheriff’s deputy visited the property at least three times in the spring.

Dayner said she didn’t hear anything else from Hedstrom until the lawsuit was filed.

TME – Someone get Maury Povich’s people on the phone ASAP.

Wednesday, 18 March 2020 12:03

Weird National Briefs (03/18/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Sudsy spree

BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) — A Louisiana couple accused of swiping more than $1,000 worth of beer from the shelves of Target stores was arrested on theft charges Sunday, sheriff’s office records show.

East Baton Rouge Sheriff’s deputies began investigating the beer burglaries last week, according to the agency. The couple made six runs to two Baton Rouge Target locations less than 10 miles (16 kilometers) apart between Feb. 24 and 29, according to sheriff’s office documents obtained by news outlets.

Ashley Forbes, 32, and her husband, Matthew Forbes, 35, were captured on security cameras filling shopping baskets with cases of beer before slipping out of the stores without paying, The Advocate reported, citing the sheriff’s records.

Authorities said the two were arrested Sunday after they attempted to steal additional merchandise from other stores, including a drill that Matthew Forbes tried to smuggle out in his pants at a Walmart, according to WBRZ-TV. Ashley Forbes was also reportedly caught returning items she hadn’t paid for at a Walmart, the station said. The two had been banned from similar stores previously, according to news outlets.

The couple was booked into jail on theft charges, and Ashley Forbes also faces drug charges, records show.

TME – Alas, a pants drill too far…

Wednesday, 11 March 2020 12:47

Celebrity Slam - Incredible Journey

Written by Allen Adams

Full disclosure: we love us some celebrity conflict here at the Slam.

Obviously, we’re not looking for people to get genuinely hurt or anything like that. But beef is good for business in this space and we’re not ashamed to say so. Sure, we have some fun with romances and famous couple portmanteaux and all that jazz, but beef is our bread and butter.

And while we love a good Twitter beef between seemingly unconnected celebs (the absurdity factor is through the roof), it’s tough to do better that watching things blow up between people who have known (and loathed) one another for a long time.

With that – let’s talk about Journey.

Wednesday, 11 March 2020 12:45

Weird National Briefs (03/11/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Pet mayor

FAIR HAVEN, Vt. - A town in Vermont elected a dog as its pet mayor on Wednesday.

Murfee won the race in Fair Haven, WCAX-TV reported. The therapy dog beat out the incumbent goat, Mayor Mara Lincoln, and K-9 Sammy, a town police dog. Eight eighth graders counted 350 ballots Wednesday morning to determine the winner.

The pet mayor race aims to raise money for a new playground and get children interested in politics.

Murfee visits nursing homes, schools and hospitals as part of Caring Canines Therapy Dogs of Southern Vermont.

TME – Next step, Pet Representative and then, who knows? Pet President?

Tuesday, 03 March 2020 11:59

Celebrity Slam - Fight the power

Written by Allen Adams

We don’t have many rules here at Celebrity Slam. For the most part, we allow ourselves free reign to mock and deride the famous for whatever nonsense and/or shenanigans they get up to. However, there are a couple of areas that we tend to try and steer clear of.

For instance, when people are genuinely hurt, physically or otherwise, we’re not interested. We’re here to have fun, and the truth is that there are some things – abuse, violence, etc. – that simply aren’t funny. And since we’re here to laugh … yeah. Pass.

We also generally avoid the political realm. That’s not because these people aren’t constantly putting their respective feet in it – they totally are – but we fancy ourselves as an escape of sorts. We don’t love the idea of the real world intruding on the churning whirlpool of good-natured snark we generate here.

However – rules are made to be broken.

We went back and forth about whether to address this story due to the political elements contained therein, but ultimately, we decided to go with it. The truth is, the politics are just a small part of the story, the lit fuse that led to a ridiculous detonation.

Yeah – we’re going to talk about Public Enemy. Specifically, we’re going to talk about the fact that founding member and hype man extraordinaire Flavor Flav has been kicked out of the band.

Tuesday, 03 March 2020 11:57

Weird National Briefs (03/04/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Rude awakening

RIVERSIDE, Calif. - A man sleeping in his bedroom was pinned against a wall when a car smashed through the house in Southern California, authorities said.

The man suffered only minor injuries after the vehicle barreled over a power pole, through two yards and into the home in Riverside around 1 a.m. Saturday, fire officials said.

The car almost completely entered the structure, rendering it uninhabitable, the Press-Enterprise reported . There was nothing between the wall and the car except the resident, Fire Department Battalion Chief Bruce Vanderhorst said. Firefighters used the Jaws of Life, a tool normally employed to cut open smashed vehicles, to free the man.

“(He) got very lucky,” Vanderhorst said.

Police arrested the driver of the car, a 22-year-old man. He could face charges including driving under the influence of alcohol causing injury and DUI with a blood-alcohol level higher than .08 causing injury, both felonies, the newspaper said.

Damage to the house was estimated at $200,000. Four adults were displaced and went to stay with with relatives.

TME – Dude was just looking to hit a drive-through.

Wednesday, 26 February 2020 12:36

Celebrity Slam - A Jake Paul double dip

Written by Allen Adams

We’re probably revealing our age here, but we’re going to go ahead and put this on the record: Jake Paul is the worst. At best, he’s the second-worst behind his brother Logan, who is also the worst. Suffice it to say that no brother tandem in the history of anything has been as the worst as the Pauls.

This week, we’re focusing our attention on Jake, because he’s got a couple of things going on that are definitely deserving of our scorn.

Wednesday, 26 February 2020 12:35

Weird National Briefs (02/26/2020)

Written by Allen Adams

Wrong place, right crime

CLEVELAND - A pair of robbers apologized profusely after saying they broke into the wrong Cleveland apartment but robbed the man inside anyway, according to police reports.

The robbers repeatedly told the male resident they wouldn’t hurt him but had to “get something out of it” since they were already there, the reports said.

No arrests have been made in the Wednesday robbery and the 32-year-old victim wasn’t injured, cleveland.com reported.

Police reports say the man heard noises on his fire escape about 2 a.m., opened a window and found two men pointing guns at him.

Despite their mistake, the robbers took the man’s video game player, shoes, clothes, $800 in cash, iPhone and car keys. They escaped through the window and out the fire escape, the reports said.

TME – At least they were sorry.

Wednesday, 19 February 2020 13:18

Celebrity Slam - Pull hitter

Written by Allen Adams

Believe it or not, there is rhyme and reason to the choices that we make here at Celebrity Slam. We do have specific ideas about the items we include in this space. Granted, we don’t always follow those ideas, but we definitely have them.

There’s some nuance to how we decide what warrants inclusion, but a straightforward way to think about it is this: the less famous a person is, the weirder/wilder their misdeed must be, and vice versa. Essentially, a Kardashian or a Bieber doesn’t have to do anything all that strange to get noticed in this space, but the lower on the celebrity scale you get, the higher the bizarreness quotient has to be.

This week, we’re talking about Toronto Blue Jays backup catcher Reese McGuire, so … it’s pretty out there. Literally, in fact.

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