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Aaron Waite Aaron Waite
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The Mind Wanders

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Video Games Video Games

Things from video games that need to be real

We've all been there before, committing some ridiculous act of digital impossibility with some Bond-esque gadget and thinking to ourselves, 'Geez, that'd be handy to have in real life.' For your reading pleasure, I've compiled a personal wish list of such reality-defying gadgets:

Diplomatic Relations View - 'Civilization' series

In the 'Civilization' series, you have the ability to view how every other countries' leaders view one another. You can see who has a past with whom, who hates whom, and who will more than likely go to war with you if you decide not to share the secrets of writing with them (lookin' at you, 'You-Built-A-City-You-Must-Die' Montezuma). Many times in my life, I could have avoided awkward social situations by being able to see which of my friends could play nicely with my other section of friends, or maybe ones that would need to be introduced at the right time - namely, never.

Unrelenting Force (FUS RO DAH!) - 'Skyrim'

Lines at Wal-Mart. Especially with Christmas barreling down on us earlier and earlier each year (thanks, American retail!), so many times you end up queuing up like cattle in front of the Customer Service desk. Wouldn't it be nice to just end the delays from someone trying to return a half-eaten hunk of Muenster cheese under the claim that it 'came wif dose teef mahks' with a well-aimed Dragon Shout? Suddenly, all those angry, frustrated, mean people with returns an hour long are cast aside like bowling pins, leaving you with a clear path to the now-terrified clerk.

Chocobo - 'Final Fantasy' series

Look, I'm sorry. I don't like horses. I don't like horses at all. Truth be told, I'm always scared that the top of my head looks like a high-hanging clump of grass and they'll send me into baldness five years early. But you give me the equivalent of a gigantic noble chicken? I'll saddle up faster than Comic-Con vendors run out of commemorative lanyards. Economic, brilliantly chic and I'd just need a few gyshal greens to get myself to work in the morning. Parking would be a bit of a bugger, though, seeing as they have a tendency to run away as soon as you hop off of them.

Octocamo - 'Metal Gear Solid 4'

I've had situations where I have literally tried to blend into a wall to hide my embarrassment, avoid confrontation and ... actually, mostly just avoid confrontation. With 'MGS4''s trademark instant camo, retail employees could actually become a part of the TV wall in electronics, managers could crawl through the halls of a workplace without being bombarded by questions and could actually pretend to not be in the car when a cop pulls you over.

Landshark Gun - 'Armed and Dangerous'

A gun that shoots sharks that swim on land. Do I really need to elaborate on the possibilities?

Hookshot - 'The Legend of Zelda' series

Now, obviously, a spring-loaded grappling hook would be a boon to many mountain climbers and outdoor enthusiasts, but I'm thinking slightly less practical. Soda across the room? One ZZZTHUNK later, you have yourself a soda. A soda erupting with like a tiny Dew volcano, but you didn't need to get up and walk across the room, now did you?

Bucket of Lava - 'Minecraft'

Granted, 'Minecraft seems to have a very loose grasp on its laws of physics, but it's really hard for me to understand how it could be a good idea to make an iron bucket, then scoop up some lava, and immediately store it in your pants. But the fact remains that heating a house with an eternally-molten-hot bucket of lava would come very much in handy in this tundra known as Maine.

Aaron Waite wants 'Super Mario 3D World' to come out so he can have a chat with his inner child again.


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