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Aaron Waite Aaron Waite
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Stereotypical Atrocities

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Categories of gamers at a glance

The CasualHere we have those non-committing people that are only kinda sorta involved in the world of gaming. You can usually recognize them at GameStop, picking up 'Medal of Honor: Warfighter' and commenting that it looks 'pretty cool.' Not well-versed in game lore or recent happenings in the world of gaming, they tend to buy based on the graphics and how fun the cover makes the game look.

Sample quote: 'Have you heard about this Minecraft game that just came out on Xbox 360?'

The Facebook Gamer

You always know when they're playing because your Facebook news feed was just eaten by their consuming string of invites and announcements that their town just built a new Japanese restaurant that's run by hay-farming penguins from the Mafia. You know, important things that you want to intimately know about the people you've befriended on the social behemoth.

Sample quote: 'AH NEEDS MORE FRENS TO GET MAH DUCKEH, PLZ TO BE PLAYING THIS GAME FOR MAH DUCKEH.'

The iGamer

Some people don't care about games until they get an iPad, iPhone, or iEye (it's coming, you mark my words), and then suddenly they dive into the 99 cent game pool feet first, no floaties, no lifejacket and they feel like they shook hands with Miyamoto just before he made the first 'Legend of Zelda.' They complain when a game costs more than that hundred-minus-one cent mark, and mock you for buying console games that weren't made in a basement by a programming grad student.

Sample quote: 'When will Mario come out for the iPad?' 

The GameStop Soapboxer

After three years of working at GameStop, I came to realize that many people don't come to buy or even to shop - they come to prove that they're right. They hide amidst the DS and PS2 games, lurking. Their ears are perked and their gigantic mouths are ready to force their way into a conversation that in no way is aimed at them. They would leap upon the counters and sing the praises of their beloved sacred cows, and call down fire from Heaven on those they shunned. Beware speaking about sequels, for the original was better. Beware speaking of the originals, for the sequels were unnecessary. Beware speaking at all, for you have no right to speak.

Sample quote: 'Don't you DARE tell me Final Fantasy XII' was a piece of crap! It was a misunderstood leap into the future of gaming!'

The Jaded Gamer

You will find him amongst his stacks of 'Game Informer' and his RSS feeds that let him know when someone so much as farts in the gaming world. He doesn't play anything that 'Famitsu' gave less than a 38 to. With a leg in the hipster camps and hobnobbing in the unwashed masses, he harps on gamers for ignoring indie games while indulging himself in mainstream multiplayer games. He hates every gamer that doesn't match his standard for 'ruining the gaming industry' and 'being one of THOSE gamers.' He is at the top of the pyramid, and don't you dare try to bring him down, for he knows all, sees all and has played all. He can and will top you, and will probably tell a better story in the process. Avoid this gamer, and for the sake of all of us, don't let him post any of his opinions online.

Sample quote:

Aaron Waite played Minecraft' when it was in alpha, before those console jerks ruined the explorative elements of it.

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