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Aaron Waite Aaron Waite
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An Open Letter To Chuck Lorre

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An irate monologue about 'The Big Bang Theory'

To the makers of 'The Big Bang Theory:'

Quit it.

Just stop. Move along. Vamoose. Take your sitcom and leave.

Nerds don't like your show. It's not an accurate portrayal. It's an abomination, an insult, a festering sore on our awesome geeky culture.

I know, I know, you were really trying to impress us by having Sheldon quote off a laundry list of games that were stolen from them (you got the list of 'Call of Duty' games wrong, by the way). You try awfully hard to pander to us by throwing around Schrodinger's name like confetti. You have these hi-larious hijinks of sprinting to watch classic '80s movies with 'eight seconds of unseen footage.'

We get it. You think you know nerds. You think you understand a civilization that flies under the radar and you want to bring it to the unwashed, uneducated masses. I hate to break it to you, but this isn't a noble cause; this isn't some sort of awakening to the public to the underlying nerd culture.

No, this, THIS is a gorram insult. It's a frakking travesty. It should be corpsified and hung out to be bleached in the rutting sun and forgotten.

Mr. Lorre, the only thing you've accomplished is the general public misunderstanding us even more. Thanks to 'The Big Bang Theory,' the uninitiated are even more misled about us, a passionate, dedicated group of men and women that simply love the technological age and the stories that define it. Thanks to your drivel, we're viewed even more as sexless, socially inept troglodytes that would rather have their face repeatedly smashed with a shovel than wander into the sun (OK, so the part about the sun is true, but I digress).

Look, you've done nothing to advance our position in society, but instead driven into the heads of viewers that being a nerd is nothing to celebrate. We are the metaphorical untouchables, the otaku, those-that-belong-in-lockers.

We were just starting to move into an accepted position in this world. It was becoming OK to love something and be dedicated to it. It was all right to wander into a convention dressed up as a mash-up of Kratos and Sonic. We were finally being accepted as ourselves. Your show is once again putting us into that metaphorical locker until one our 'D+D' buddies comes to get us out.

As a final note, I'd like to air one last quibble with your show: In a recent episode, Leonard was supposedly playing 'Halo;' however, you had him mashing the X button like there was no tomorrow. There's no reason to mash X in 'Halo;' it's your reload button, for crying out loud. If you're trying to pander to us by having someone play a video game, at least pander to us correctly by having him actually look like he's playing the game. But if you actually had the nerdy side that you're desperately trying to show off and actually trying to give a better portrayal of, you'd know this already.

Here's an idea: make a reboot of 'M.A.S.H.' It'd be a better investment of your time.

This rant by Aaron Waite is brought to you in part by his inherent rage at both FTL' and Dark Souls,' and contributions from viewers like you.


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