Let me begin by telling you all straight out, I realize I'm whining. I know this is pathetic and petty and I'm supposed to have a shred of journalistic integrity or something. I figure, if I can't whine in my own column, than what's the point? So if you're not in the mood for a rant, just 'peace out' sister brother mother friend. Go with my blessing because I've had a doozy of a day, and I'm about to unload.

Earlier this week I had an appointment to see my lady doctor. Thinking of myself like a family sedan, I decided that regularly scheduled tune-ups could go a long way to increase my longevity. It was a lovely thought. Unfortunately, when I arrived for my check-up, the secretary informed me she had been trying to reach me all day: 'Your physician called in sick.'