Wednesday, 27 March 2013 14:15

Satellite shenanigans

Visiting the lunar landscape

MOONBASE ALPHA, The Moon What's up, losers? Me, that's what!

Some of you might have been wondering what's been going on with the Main Man since my illustrious advice (the only reason to pick up this rag in the first place) has been unavailable these past months. Well, due to certain celestial confluences, I can tell you where I've been.


Published in Adventure
Wednesday, 23 January 2013 14:26

Ask Todd Parker - Jan. 23, 2013

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm currently going through some pretty serious stuff in my social life; it's like nothing in my world makes any sense anymore. My whole life has been turned into a circus. I don't know if there's anyone left I can trust except you.

So I met this girl online. She was really cute and seemed super nice. We started chatting online through stuff like Facebook and Twitter. It was like she liked me for me, you know what I'm saying? From there, we started talking on the phone every once in a while. We hadn't met yet or anything, but we both have really busy schedules with school and everything, so I totally understood.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Thursday, 29 November 2012 00:24

Ask Todd Parker - Nov. 28, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

A buddy and I have been debating something for a while now and I thought it was something that you might have an interesting take on.

We have this mutual friend. Call him Jeff. A couple of years ago, Jeff dated this girl for about six months. They broke up, but they still liked each other afterward. No hard feelings or anything. They both moved on from there. A couple of months after they ended things, Jeff met his current girlfriend and they're very happy.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Monday, 29 October 2012 07:54

Ask Todd Parker - Oct. 24, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I have something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now, and I was hoping to get your opinion on the subject.

Why do girls have such a problem with farting?

Me and my friends, we think farts are hilarious. Always. Doesn't matter the context or the situation. When we hear that sound, we laugh. But girls don't find them nearly as amusing as we do. They wrinkle their noses and call us disgusting or whatever. They basically act like they don't fart, even though they do. Everybody farts, right?

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Thursday, 30 August 2012 08:56

Ask Todd Parker - Aug. 29, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

A really good buddy of mine started dating this girl a couple of months ago. I'd seen her around and stuff, but I didn't really know her that well. It's not like we'd ever really hung out or anything like that. Anyway, my buddy took the plunge and asked her out. All of a sudden, they're dating and now I'm seeing her more and more in a social setting.

She's f---ing terrible.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Monday, 20 August 2012 08:38

Ask Todd Parker - Aug. 15, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm a guy who has just recently returned to the area after being away for a couple of years. I've spent the past few months reconnecting with some old friends and making a few new ones. I've got a solid social circle, a great job and a fairly well-rounded life. 

What I don't have is a girlfriend. Not only do I not have a girlfriend, I don't even have any real prospects. I have a real issue with finding a way to make that leap.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Thursday, 09 August 2012 09:09

Ask Todd Parker - Aug. 8, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I've been getting a lot of conflicting advice from my friends and family, so I thought I'd try an objective outsider. Even if I am pretty sure you're just going to make fun of me. 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost four years. And I love her more as time goes by, as corny as that sounds. She's never been anything but wonderful and supportive of anything that I choose to do, and I like to think that I've been the same way.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Thursday, 02 August 2012 00:03

Ask Todd Parker - Aug. 1, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years and we've been living together for six months. Up until very recently, everything has been going as smooth as could be. We share a lot of interests and have a lot of mutual friends and have a lot of fun together.

This weekend, we sat down to watch the Olympics (neither one of us is really a sports fan, but we enjoy watching the stories play out). We spent all day lazing on the couch, eating take-out and not really doing much, when all of a sudden she turns to me and says 'Are you happy? Because I don't think I am.'

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Wednesday, 25 July 2012 13:33

Ask Todd Parker - July 25, 2012

Dear Todd Parker, 

I'm having a moral crisis in my love life. There's this woman that I am completely into. She is absolutely my ideal woman in every conceivable way. She's beautiful, but we've also been friends for years, so I already know that we have similar interests and plenty to talk about. She's smart and funny and awesome in general.

The problem is that we've been friends for so long for a reason. Up until about six months ago, she was in a serious long-term relationship with a good buddy of mine. They were together for almost four years before they broke up (she found out that he had cheated on her).

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Thursday, 19 July 2012 09:01

Ask Todd Parker - July 18, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I was in a long-term relationship with a guy for a number of years. For a long time, I thought he was the one, but I gradually realized that he and I were moving in different directions and we had become incompatible in a lot of ways. So about a year ago, we broke it off amicably. Well, mostly amicably anyway. The goal was to remain friends. It wasn't easy, but I still cared about the guy, so I did my best. We didn't see a lot of each other, but it was always pleasant enough when we did.

Last week, he called me up out of the blue we hadn't spoken in a couple of months and left a message on my voicemail asking if I would like to go out to dinner with himand his new girlfriend. He told me that it was really important to him that I meet her. He also said that meeting her would be good for me and help me 'gain closure' on our relationship. It turns out that in his eyes, our mutual breakup was in fact him breaking up with me and he wanted to help me 'move on.'

Published in Ask Todd Parker
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