Wednesday, 29 March 2017 12:30

Some satellite shenanigans

Todd Parker visits the lunar landscape

Published in Adventure
Wednesday, 20 April 2016 12:07

Ask Todd Parker (04-20-2016)

Dear Todd Parker,

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Wednesday, 10 February 2016 13:35

Todd Parker 02-10-2016

(Editor's note: Since Mr. Parker was busy with this week's cover story, we thought we might share an old Valentine's Day favorite from the archives. Truly, a classic. Originally appeared on Feb. 8, 2012.)

Dear Todd Parker,

Valentine's Day is such bullst. Everyone knows that it's just one more scam for corporations to make more money. Why should I hand over my cash to those a-holes at Hallmark or Whitman's or whatever just to celebrate a completely arbitrary date?

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Wednesday, 10 February 2016 12:46

Todd Parker takes on literary love stories

Advice columnist answers questions classic romances should have asked

Happy Valentine's Day, losers!

Since the letters I've received regarding this year's holiday have been generally crappy, I decided to give you folks a little something special, a sort of literary retrospective that I've been kicking around for a while. I thought you lamewads might find it interesting to hear what kind of advice I might give to those characters in literature dealing with relationship complications.

As you might have guessed, the end result is f---ing BRILLIANT.

Rather than confine myself to just one of these magnificent constructions, I instead chose to give my adoring fans a selection that spans centuries on the literary timeline. It's a holiday celebrating love, after all, and since I definitely don't love the st questions you morons sent me, I figured I'd put something together that is both entertaining and educational.


Published in Cover Story
Wednesday, 03 February 2016 15:51

Todd Parker 02-03-2016

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm a 27-year-old guy and I broke up with my girlfriend of six years a few months ago. I decided that if I didn't want to marry her I was just stringing both of us along. My dating life before her was easier since I was still in college, going to parties, and constantly meeting new people. Now I am in the realm of the adult dating world and have been a bit lost but learning quickly.

I met a girl a few weeks after the breakup and started hanging out from time to time; very low-key. It's not like I'm looking for a serious relationship or anything, but I feel like that I had been in one for so much of my dating life that it's all I know.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Tuesday, 26 January 2016 20:40

Todd Parker 01-27-2016

Dear Todd Parker,

I just got out of a relationship that had been going for almost two years. It was really good for a long time, but over the last six months, I was starting to feel like it just wasn't going to work. I had talked to my boyfriend about the issues I was having and he seemed sympathetic to my feelings. I just wanted him to know that things weren't working for me.

A couple of weeks after we had that conversation, he broke up with me. Just like that. Even though I was planning on breaking up with him if we couldn't work our stuff out, I didn't expect him to pull the plug like that. It just felt so cold-blooded it was like he'd rather just walk away than make an effort toward fixing the problem.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Tuesday, 12 January 2016 21:00

Ask Todd Parker - (01-13-2016)

Dear Todd Parker,

I've been getting a lot of conflicting advice from my friends and family, so I thought I'd try an objective outsider. Even if I am pretty sure you're just going to make fun of me.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost four years. And I love her more as time goes by, as corny as that sounds. She's never been anything but wonderful and supportive of anything that I choose to do, and I like to think that I've been the same way.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Wednesday, 06 January 2016 12:51

Todd Parker 01-06-2016

Dear Todd Parker,

This isn't really a problem, but I would like to get some of your thoughts. It's officially 2016, and like most of us, I've made some New Year's resolutions. Nothing spectacular - mostly the standard stuff everybody else resolves to do.

I want to be healthier, eat better, and maybe lose a few pounds. I want to spend more time with my friends and family. I'm going to try to be more productive at work; I'm hoping to snag a promotion. I know these are all good things that will probably make my life better, but when I look at it, it all seems so boring.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Tuesday, 24 November 2015 19:46

Dear Todd Parker - (11/25/15)

A buddy and I have been debating something for a while now and I thought it was something that you might have an interesting take on.

We have this mutual friend. Call him Jeff. A couple of years ago, Jeff dated this girl for about six months. They broke up, but they still liked each other afterward. No hard feelings or anything. They both moved on from there. A couple of months after they ended things, Jeff met his current girlfriend and they're very happy.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
Tuesday, 17 November 2015 19:18

Dear Todd Parker,

I've been working at the same job for a few years now. I spend long hours at work, trying to do the best that I can. I like to think that more often than not, I do just that. I know for a fact that I'm a huge asset to the company.

Here's my problem. There's this other guy (we'll call him 'Rick') who just started with us a little less than a year ago. He's everything I'm not. He's rude to customers and extremely lazy; I'm always rebuilding bridges that he's burned and cleaning up his messes. Unfortunately, I'm good at that too. So good, in fact, that my boss has begun praising this other guy's 'work ethic' around the office, telling us that we should be more like 'Rick.' There's even talk of 'Rick' receiving a promotion a promotion I've been trying to get for a couple of years now.

Published in Ask Todd Parker
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