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Wednesday, 30 May 2012 15:33

'Minecraft:' A gay old time

Is there any reason for me to write this? I don't know what the hell I'm going to say about 'Minecraft' today, four years (if not more!) after its original release, that a hundred people haven't already said.

Why did they call it a beta for so long? It was never a beta. I know, I wasn't there. But I saw screenshots, and they were white-hot. The whole thing was white-hot from day one. I was seeing them on my parents' computer, though, which wasn't the kind of thing I wanted to try to play 'Minecraft' on. Now, I am rich; now, I am typing on a computer of my very own; now, I am playing the 'Minecraft' beta on my Xbox 360.

It's great. It really is. What a great game. If you're any given person, there's a pretty good chance that I hate literally every single thing that you like, but man, 'Minecraft' is a hell of a thing. How many thousands of words are there that say this? Probably thousands of thousands of them! It makes sense; there's nothing else to say. Let's say something ridiculous, then:

Published in Tekk
Wednesday, 16 May 2012 17:45

The Dark Door

A record of discovering Minecraft hell

Jan. 12, 2012: It's impressive, and that's about all we know at this point. About 10 feet tall, five feet wide, and completely immobile. It's like a brand-new Stonehenge, except in this desolate location, it doesn't seem like this was used as a worship location. Maybe a guru-esque retreat? Don't know at this point, but this is definitely going to be our home until we do figure it out.

Feb. 15, 2012: Ate our last steak today. Looks like apples are on the menu for the long-foreseeable future. I'd strangle an Enderman for a decent porkchop. Still no noticeable progress on the 'portal,' as we've taken to calling it. It's just a hollow doorway to nowhere. Part of me is wishing I was still punching trees at my dad's business back home, but no, sir, I had to be adventurous. Some adventure. I'll go down in history as the man that led an expedition to stare at a door.Feb. 18, 2012: Sometimes luck is a funny mistress. After all of my other expenses, I only had enough to hire a couple of second-rate assistants. First one I found was Cary, a bright young fella, but has tendency to run off on his own, claiming to have an incredible ideas to support his wanderlust. Just the other day, we had to save him after he wandered into a desert. Found him clutching a cactus like a baby, saying it was 'the beginning of a beautiful deathtrap.'And then there's Weeks.I found Weeks in the streets of Spawncity, holding a sign saying 'lost pie, will work for cake.' Being incredibly low on cash, I asked him how he felt about going on an adventure. He jumped up, threw his arms around me, and whispered very sweetly in my ear that I was his favorite 'broomhilda.' Strong as a bloody ox, though. I think it's the Creator's way of evening things out.

Published in Tekk

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