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Wednesday, 16 January 2013 12:29

Celebrity Slam - Jan. 16, 2013

LiLo's big week

It has been a big week for Celebrity Slam favorite Lindsay Lohan.

We'll start with the recent New York Times story by Stephen Rodrick. Rodrick was given access to LiLo's latest film project 'The Canyons' and chronicled the movie's progress and process in an article straightforwardly titled 'Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan In Your Movie.'

Published in Celebrity Slam
Wednesday, 21 November 2012 14:27

Celebrity Slam - Nov. 21, 2012

This week in Lohans

Here at Celebrity Slam, we do our best to avoid going back to the same well too frequently. Making fun of the same handful of celebrities every week isn't necessarily our aim; the goal is to spread the sweet mockery amongst all those who deserve it. However, occasionally our hands are forced.

That's right, boys and girls it's the Lohans!

Published in Celebrity Slam
Wednesday, 14 November 2012 16:52

Celebrity Slam - Nov. 14, 2012

The end of an era

Here at Celebrity Slam, we've seen a whole mess of famous people riding the romantic roller coaster. In a world jam-packed with people who are both pretty and pedantic, it's no surprise that their relationships come and go at a fairly high frequency. Most of the time, it's just business as usual.

However, when a pop culture power couple bites the dust, it warrants our attention.

Published in Celebrity Slam
Wednesday, 29 August 2012 12:14

Celebrity Slam - Aug. 29, 2012

Been caught stealing

Believe it or not, one of our constant hopes here at Celebrity Slam is that our column regulars find ways to keep themselves out of our snarky crosshairs. It would be nice to think that these celebs can figure out how to function as normal humans and avoid saying and doing the idiotic things that result in their being lambasted in this space. Every once in a while, one of them even manages it.

Lindsay Lohan is not one of them.

These new allegations spring from a house party held at the Hollywood Hills home of rich guy Sam Magid reportedly a close friend of Lohan's. Magid called the police to report the theft of $100,000 worth of watches, sunglasses and other items. According to reports, LiLo frequently visits the estate, even attending an all-night rager a couple of weeks ago.

The LAPD have added LiLo and her assistant to the list of suspects, even though the erstwhile 'actress' has already tried to throw at least one acquaintance under the bus Andrew Knight, a young man who claims to be the son of rap producer/lunatic Suge Knight. However, the cops didn't buy her story.

According to Magid, Knight and another young man who was present at the house told him that Lohan had handed them a bag containing some of the stolen items wrapped in one of her T-shirts. The two men returned the items. Magid also said that Lohan explained some of the other missing items by saying she had hidden them around the house because she feared they'd be stolen. Of course, she also confessed to being on Ambien at the time, so the whole mess is rather conveniently hazy.

Magid has since recanted the story, saying nothing was stolen, but the cops aren't buying that either; they've got independent witnesses who point the finger at Lohan and her assistant. So the investigation continues.

Do you follow all of that? Because I'm not sure I do.

Here's a quick tip for you, Lindsay: you are never going to get away with anything ever again. Ever. You have thoroughly torched any chance you'll have of getting the benefit of the doubt especially from the LAPD. Your flimsy stories and Ambien excuses just aren't going to cut it anymore. The truth is that you're going to have to start sucking it up and taking responsibility for your actions. Think of it this way: when authority figures are more inclined to believe Suge Knight's kid than you, you've pretty much bottomed out in terms of credibility.

Whatever deluded concept you have of your own celebrity, it's time to face facts: it's not the shield it once was. Your fame doesn't protect you anymore. You have created a world where the public is willing to believe literally anything that we hear about you. You are no longer untouchable.

Alas, poor LiLo, the time has come for you to take responsibility for your actions. A harsh lesson, perhaps, but it's time to grow up.

The Prince's new clothes

This next item is less a Slam and more of a Wrist Slap ('Celebrity Wrist Slap' doesn't have quite the same ring to it [Sweet band name, though]).

If you haven't heard, Prince Harry (he's the one who's not going to be King of England) took a recent trip to Las Vegas and got up to all kinds of shenanigans. For instance, the Prince engaged in a semi-clothed swim race against Olympian Ryan Lochte. However, the bigger faux pas came in the wee hours after that silly, but innocent dip in the pool.

Photos soon surfaced of Prince Harry engaged in all manner of naked naughtiness in a hotel suite. There was all kinds of unclothed horseplay with an assortment of equally-unclad young women. The highlight has to be the nude billiards. That's right nude billiards.

There's nothing really wrong with what Harry did especially if one subscribes to the 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' mantra. His only mistake (albeit a really, really big one) was allowing his nude companions to take pictures. Come on, Harry you're royalty, dude. You have to know that there are always going to be people out there looking to make a quick buck off your image. Don't make it easier for them by letting the crown jewels dangle in the wind asking to be photographed by the first opportunistic chick to come along. You're smarter than that.

Again, it's hard to judge a dude for embracing the spirit of Sin City and having what by all appearances was an epic time. But when future debauchery rears its head, make them check their cell phones at the door. Go get em, champ.

Published in Celebrity Slam
Thursday, 26 April 2012 12:39

Celebrity Slam - April 25, 2012

LiLo doubles down

Here at Celebrity Slam, we have occasionally been accused of piling on. It's a valid point, but the truth is that certain famous people seemingly go out of their way to place targets on their own backs. We don't make these celebrities say what they say or do what they do we just mock them mercilessly when it happens.

Which brings us to Lindsay Lohan. Again.

A couple of weeks ago, LiLo was accused of getting into a shoving match with a woman at the nightclub Smoke and Mirrors. According to the claim, the woman was talking to a male friend of the actress and Lohan took umbrage, even going so far as to start pushing and shoving her.

Published in Celebrity Slam

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