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Wednesday, 10 April 2013 11:00

Celebrity Slam - Apr. 10, 2013

Sex tape shenanigans

If you've been paying attention in recent years, you've noticed that MTV has seemingly gone out of their way to lower the bat when it comes to reality television. Shows like 'Jersey Shore' and the like have turned some unpleasant people into celebrities.

Farrah Abraham, a former star of the network's 'Teen Mom,' has been popping up in the news in recent weeks following some drunken club antics and a DUI arrest. But she's taken it to the next level a sex tape with XXX star James Deen.

Published in Celebrity Slam
Thursday, 17 May 2012 08:29

Celebrity Slam - May 16, 2012

Mommy dearest

We've had a lot of fun with the Kardashian clan in this space over the past few years. They have somehow managed to combine a complete lack of discernible talents with utter shamelessness to create a perfect storm of reality watchability. You might not watch their shows I certainly don't but E! wouldn't be coughing up tens of millions of dollars to keep them on the air if no one was tuning in.

However, sometimes the ridiculousness gets to be too much. Lines that shouldn't be crossed are rare in the world of reality television. However, Kardashian matriarch Kris Jenner has found a way to do just that. She told one of her daughters (Khloe) that her father might not be her father and that she should get a DNA test to find out if she's a 'real' Kardashian.

Yep. That happened.

On the season finale of 'Khloe and Lamar,' which aired just a few days ago, Kris Jenner comes right out and tells Khloe she should get a genetic test to determine if Robert Kardashian is her real father. 'There has to be a part of you that wants resolution in your heart,' Kris said. When Khloe was uninterested, Kris kept pushing almost bullying, really.

Khloe's response? 'I don't care either way because my dad is my dad and my stepdad is my stepdad.' It's a shockingly healthy take on the situation from Khloe although subsequent reports say that she might go through with the test anyway.

I hope she doesn't.

Kris Jenner is a terrible person and a worse mom. Her personal obsession with fame has swept up every one of her kids to one degree or another; this is just the most recent (and egregious) example. Leaving aside how awful it must be for a mother to tell her daughter that a father might not be a father, let us not forget that the only reason any of these doubts exist the only reason why Khloe might want 'resolution in her heart' is the fact that Kris wrote a trashy tell-all memoir in which she copped to all kinds of fooling around on husband Robert Kardashian. Her attention to creepy detail ensured that the world would know she was particularly unfaithful in the period leading up to Khloe's conception and birth.

Do these in any way resemble the actions of a woman who loves her children? Or has anything even resembling normal human emotions? She's like some sort of fame-powered android, willing to sacrifice anything and everything including the well-being of her children. It would be bad enough if she was just some psychopath irrationally laying waste to the emotional well-being of her kids. It would still be terrible, but she could maybe seek some sort of help.

Alas, Kris Jenner is fully aware of what she's doing to ALL of her kids. She is pure cold calculation you can almost see the dollar signs in her eyes when she looks at the members of her family. While most parents would look at milestone life events watching her kids get married, holding her grandchildren with a parent's loving, prideful eye. Kris Jenner simply sees a row of numbers adding up to yet another truckload of money to stash in the Kris Jenner Money Bin. It's all horrifically mercenary.

It wasn't our original intent to use this entire space on Kris Jenner. However, in the course of writing this piece, the complete distaste for this woman and what she represents became overwhelming. Of course, the Kardashian kids do bear some degree of responsibility for the circus that their lives have become. It's reality television and they signed the contracts. But there's still a line (blurry and jagged though it might be) and Kris Jenner crossed it gleefully and without remorse. At the end of the day, she basically tried to take Khloe's father away from her all for a bump in the Nielsen rating and a few more books sold. Regardless of the outcome of any test, this familial fracture will take a very long time to heal.

And just think she's got two more young ones left to exploit. God only knows what she'll do to them.

Published in Celebrity Slam
Thursday, 08 March 2012 15:09

Celebrity Slam - Mar. 7, 2012

Give and take

You may not remember, but Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were married for a little while. Then they got divorced soon afterward. However, unlike with most marriages, this divorce was only the beginning.

Kris Humphries has returned to the spotlight with his recent outrage about Kim's refusal to return the gifts they received from their wedding guests. Kim made a charitable donation (to the tune of $200,000 twice the value of the presents) instead of returning the gifts. It might seem a little weird that Kardashian is keeping them, but she's well within the parameters of proper etiquette. She was under no obligation to do anything, though the donation was a nice gesture.

While Humphries has said that he appreciates that Kardashian made the donation, he felt that the donation should have been made in addition to returning all the presents. He also made mention yet again that the guests were duped by Kim's 'fraud' with regards to the wedding.

Like sands through the hourglass

Where to begin? Let's start with the fact that all this donation stuff happened months ago. Are you really just now addressing it, Kris? Clearly it must have been bothering you if you spent the past three months formulating your response. That must be it, right? Or did you bring it up because you've been confronted with the fact that you're a mediocre basketball player and this is the only way you can get anyone to pay attention to you? It was nice being for-real famous for a few minutes, wasn't it Kris? Hard to let that go.

The best part of all is that one of Kardashian's friends is calling BS. He claims that he gave Humphries a $5000 gift card as a personal wedding gift and that Humphries refused to return it. So not only is he being a self-righteous d-bag about the whole thing, he's a hypocrite too!

That's not how ballers do it, buddy. Sit down on the bench and think about what you've done.

Southern-fried sexual harassment

Celebrity chef Paula Deen is in a bit of hot water thanks to a lawsuit brought by a former employee.

Lisa Jackson, who worked as the general manager of Bubba's Oyster and Seafood House (co-owned by Deen and her brother Bubba Hiers) in Savannah, Georgia from 2005-2010. She alleges that during the entirety of her employment there, she was subjected to all manner of inappropriate behaviors, including lots of racist and sexist comments. She is claiming sexual harassment and infliction of emotional distress.

Jackson claims that Hiers was constantly bringing pornography into the workplace, even going to XXX websites on work computers and never logging out, making porn a constant presence in Jackson's workday. He told her he wanted to replace the entire staff with 'Hooters girls' and complained about servers he deemed 'fat.' She also claims that Hiers told her to 'bring pictures of herself when she was young' for him to look at. In addition, both Hiers and Deen were liberal users of racial slurs, according to Jackson.

The irony is that the only reason Jackson was hired was because the man who previously had the gig was fired for you guessed it sexually harassing the staff. Said harassment led to this delightful aside: Deen allegedly said to the outgoing manager 'If you think I have worked this hard to lose everything because of a piece of p---y, you better think again, and now I'm going to do something I have never done I am going to put a woman in a man's job.'

How progressive.

While there are two sides to every story, if even a fraction of this is true, Team Deen has got some serious issues on their hands. Seriously what century is it again? I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that dropping n-bombs in the workplace has been considered inappropriate behavior for some time now. I can see how that sort of language might be disconcerting in a place of business.

And the porn thing is just gross. How socially maladjusted can you be? And to throw all this at the woman who replaced the guy you fired for sexual harassment? It's just ridiculous. The dude is a troglodytic moron whose sole redeeming quality appears to be his sibling relationship to a woman capable of constructing an entire meal out of butter and bacon fat.

GodI wonder what his office smells like.

Published in Celebrity Slam

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