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Monday, 15 June 2020 14:38

‘Artemis Fowl’ is, well … foul

There’s big money to be made in franchise filmmaking. With hundreds of millions of dollars potentially on the table, it’s no wonder that studios are constantly on the lookout for intellectual property that can be translated to the big screen for big bucks.

On paper, the “Artemis Fowl” series of books by Eoin Colfer looks like a solid bet. It’s got a high-concept hook revolving around a secret world of fairies, a kid protagonist and eight novels worth of narrative to be mined. The project has been in the works at various stages with various studios for almost two decades. And now, finally, with the Disney monolith behind it, the first film in the erstwhile franchise has arrived.

Don’t be surprised if it’s also the last.

“Artemis Fowl” – currently streaming on Disney+ and inexplicably directed by Kenneth Branagh – is wildly unsuccessful on just about every conceivable level. It is a jumbled mess that borders on incoherent, a scattershot attempt at world-building that basically throws a lot of stuff at the wall, only nothing really sticks. The tone is inconsistent and the plot is nonsensical. The 95-minute runtime is not nearly enough to provide the required context, though that is offset by the feeling of audience relief at its brevity.

While I can’t say for certain, since I haven’t read them, I have to assume that the books are better than this candy-colored lunacy. They’d have to be. They probably have an actual story, for instance, rather than a series of barely-connected events that may or may not have some bearing on the overall narrative. It has all the worst parts of an origin story without conveying much about, you know, the origin. All in all, a misfire of truly epic proportions.

Published in Movies
Wednesday, 27 November 2019 11:43

2 Fast 2 Frozen – ‘Frozen II’

Disney’s “Frozen” was one of the most successful films of all time, raking in nearly $1.3 billion at the box office; as of now, it remains the 15th highest-grossing film of all time. It has also spent the past six years as a beloved mainstay in many a child’s home, with earworms like the ubiquitous “Let It Go” lodging themselves firmly into the wider pop culture landscape.

Obviously, there was always going to be a sequel.

But we no longer live in a world of hastily churned-out video-only sequels to iconic IP. There was never going to be anything direct to video about this one, though the truth is that it probably doesn’t matter all that much how good a sequel actually is – people were going to buy in.

But while “Frozen II” isn’t the achievement that its predecessor was, it’s still pretty darned good. Better than it had to be, really.

It is a continuation of the story of Elsa and Anna and their friends, a film that offers answers to questions that you may (or may not) have had about the previous installment. It features the same voice cast, the same directors, the same screenwriters and the same songwriters, all clearly having as much fun as you can have while also being tasked with continuing the money-printing legacy of Disney in general as well as “Frozen” specifically.

Published in Movies

Full disclosure: I love dogs. Love love LOVE dogs. I love the teeny tiny puppers and the big thick doggos and all the adorable floofs out there.

Being the font of canine adoration that I am, it’s clear that I fit squarely into the target demographic of “A Dog’s Journey,” the sequel to 2017’s “A Dog’s Purpose.” It’s the story of one good boy’s spirit as he lives multiple lives, all of them focused on doing right by the one he is sworn to watch over – a duty whose subject changes in this sequel.

(It’s worth noting that while there’s no in-movie connection between these two movies and “A Dog’s Way Home” from earlier this year, all three films are based on novels by the writer W. Bruce Cameron, so don’t be shocked by tonal or thematic similarities.)

It’s a chance to follow one dog’s devoted spirit seek endlessly to track down the person that they are meant to protect, no matter what. It isn’t always easy, but a good dog will do whatever it takes. And since they’re ALL good dogs, well … they’re going to make it happen.

Published in Movies

Live-action remake loyal to spirit of animated classic

Published in Movies
Wednesday, 01 February 2017 14:05

Must love dogs – ‘A Dog’s Purpose’

Canines far outshine human co-stars

Published in Movies

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