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Cryptozoological carpetbagging?

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Yeti seeks Bigfoot's selectman seat in Maine town

ST. POMME DE TERRE There's a new cryptozoological phenomenon in town and that doesn't sit well with one legendary beast.

Some of you might recall a story The Maine Edge did two years ago, an exclusive report about a Bigfoot that ran for and won a selectman's seat in this tiny northern Maine hamlet of 107.

You might have been wondering what Selectman Bigfoot has been up to in the two years since we last saw him. By all accounts, he's been bringing a lot of beneficial change to this small town. Well not 'change,' per se. More like 'keeping things the same in a manner that pleases everybody' ultimately, the job of any small town municipal official.

But things have gotten complicated in St. Pomme de Terre. Bigfoot's big feet aren't the only big feet in town anymore. About a month ago, another nine-foot-tall man-ape emerged from the thick Canadian forests and made its way into town.

Only this one's fur was pure white.

And so it was that St. Pomme de Terre became the first town in the United States to be visited by a yeti. The Abominable Snowman had come to northern Maine. But this was no pleasure jaunt for the presumed-mythical monster. He wasn't just visiting. The yeti had come for one reason and one reason only - to run against Bigfoot for his seat.

At first it was only a rumor, but it was soon confirmed that the yeti had visited the town office and taken out papers. His collection of signatures began in earnest, and while most of the townsfolk were pretty happy with the job that Bigfoot had done so far, they admitted to a degree of curiosity regarding the newcomer.

'Aw hell, I don't know,' said Mark Pelletier. 'I mean, Bigfoot done a good job so far. Maybe this other fella can do just as good. Won't know until we let him try, know what I mean?'

'I heard one lady down the greasy spoon talking about, He just come out of the woods and we're gonna vote for him just like that?' and I was like, How d'ya think we got Selectman Bigfoot, Delores?'' said Wanda Arsenault. 'People got some short damn memories, I tell you.'

But not everybody is as easygoing.

'How much do we really know about this yeti?' asked one St. Pomme de Terre resident who wished his identity to be kept secret for fear of retaliation. 'I know Bigfoot he's very much a North American phenomenon. He's one of ours. But everybody knows that yetis come from the Himalayas and such. We can't be having fantastical creatures from the mists of myth carpetbagging their way into governmental positions in our town. It just ain't right. It ain't how the system is supposed to work.'

Bigfoot, true to form, has taken the high road with regards to the situation. He has issued no statements about the issue, clearly preferring to let the process play out in a proper manner. And for his part, the yeti has been running a clean and respectful campaign, lauding his opponent's accomplishments while still displaying his own considerable talents.

In the end, regardless of who takes the victory in this battle of Bigfoot vs. Yeti, it's safe to say that the real winners are the people of St. Pomme de Terre. They are destined to be blessed with talented and dedicated municipal officers true statesmen-apes.


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