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Weird National Briefs - (10/21/15)

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Going nuts

BALTIMORE - A Baltimore man is no longer an Anne Arundel County police officer after he was charged for public intoxication and biting another man's testicles during a fight outside a bar while he was off-duty on Cinco de Mayo.

County police spokesman Lt. Ryan Frashure tells The Capital of Annapolis that 31-year-old Cpl. Michael Flaig is no longer employed by the department as of Sept. 23, but he wouldn't elaborate on why he left.

Flaig was involved in a fight in May after the victim accused Flaig of groping his female roommate.

Flaig is serving one year of supervised probation after being convicted of public intoxication and endangering the safety of another person. Officials decided not to prosecute Flaig on a second-degree assault charge.

Flaig's attorney, Peter O'Neill, says Flaig's behavior may have been a side effect of job-related stress.

TME Never has the sage wisdom of McGruff the Crime Dog been so grossly misinterpreted.

Marsupial madness

NEW YORK- A pet kangaroo named Buster caused a brief stir on Saturday morning when it got loose in a New York City neighborhood.

Witnesses first spotted the runaway marsupial in the parking lot of a Staten Island auto repair shop at about 8:30 a.m. Saturday.

Shop owner Urim Osmani said when he arrived for work, he saw Buster kneeling down about 20 feet away. He assumed it was a deer from a nearby wildlife refuge.

'Then he stood up,' Osmani said. 'I said, `What's a kangaroo doing on Staten Island?'

Police officers responding to a 911 call were able to locate Buster's owner at a nearby home. Police said the man retrieved his kangaroo, saying it had hopped away from a friend's fenced backyard about 15 minutes earlier after a gate was accidentally left open.

Although keeping a kangaroo in the city is prohibited, it's allowed in the upstate New York community where the owner lives, police said. The owner assured them that he and Buster were headed home.

According to the Staten Island Advance, Buster's breakout occurred on the same block where a zebra named Razzi and a pony named Casper escaped three years ago and took a stroll down a busy thoroughfare before they were lured back home with food.

TME Who knew Staten Island was such a hopping place?

Illicit intimacy

JACKSONVILLE, Fla.- A man and woman have been arrested after officials say they prolonged a standoff with police in order to have sex.

Police tell local news outlets they responded Wednesday night to a Jacksonville mobile home in search of 34-year-old Ryan Patrick Bautista, who was wanted on several warrants. Bautista and 30-year-old Leanne Hunn were holed up in the mobile home, leading to a standoff.

Police say they tried to make contact with the people inside for about 45 minutes. At one point, Hunn told police over the phone that she would give up, but that she wanted to have sex with Bautista 'one last time.'

Bautista and Hunn were arrested after SWAT team negotiators arrived. Both were charged with resisting arrest and false imprisonment.

TME There's nothing like a preemptive conjugal visit.

Clowning around

NORTHAMPTON, Mass.- A Massachusetts family has been searching in vain for its 'slightly sinister' statue of Ronald McDonald, which was taken from their summer home during a teenage house party.

Mary Ryan tells the Daily Hampshire Gazette that the three-foot-high statue of the fast food pitchman was taken in August, when her daughter hosted an unauthorized party at the house in Leverett.

Ryan says two boys put the statue in a tree at an athletic club. Someone later took it out of the tree and posted a photo of it on Instagram next to a trash bin.

The statue hasn't been seen since.

Ryan and her husband, an artist, bought the statue years ago for $1,200. Ryan says it has a 'slightly sinister quality.'

They're offering a $300 reward.

The daughter was punished with extra chores.

TME Is there any doubt that that statue is now sentient and seeking dark vengeance?

Ursine intruder

ASHEVILLE, N.C.- A North Carolina woman says she entered her daughter's apartment and found a bear, who had entered by opening an unlocked door, roaming through the home.

Asheville Fire Department spokeswoman Kelley Klope told local news outlets the mother called emergency personnel Tuesday night after spotting the bear eating some pet food.

North Carolina Wildlife Resources Commission biologist Mike Carraway says the bear smelled dog food right inside the door and was able to get in through the door by pulling down on the unlocked handle.

Klope says crews arrived and hit on the ceiling to scare the bear, which then left unharmed.

Klope says all that was left in the wake of the bear's visit was a broken flowerpot and blind.

Carraway says similar break-ins are rare, with this being the first one this year in the Asheville area.

TME That's what she gets for eating his porridge and sleeping in his bed.

Cocaine condiments

NEW YORK- Law enforcement officials say a passenger arriving at New York's Kennedy Airport had 11 pounds of liquid cocaine packed into oil and vinegar bottles.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection says the cocaine was found Oct. 5 when Andres Josue Leal Valle arrived with three suitcases and a carry-on bag.

Agents say they opened bottles of oil and vinegar in Leal Valle's luggage and detected an unusual chemical odor.

Customs officials say the liquid in six bottles tested positive for cocaine. They say the total weight of the cocaine was 11 pounds and the street value was $194,000.

The case is under investigation by the Department of Homeland Security.

No information on an attorney for Leal Valle was immediately available.

Leal Valle is a citizen of Guatemala.

TME Best. Salad dressing. Ever.

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