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October 10, 2012

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Never nude

SAN FRANCISCO - A San Francisco supervisor, fed up with the almost-daily displays of nudity in one city neighborhood, introduced legislation Tuesday that would make it illegal to walk around naked on San Francisco streets.

The city allows nudity except in parks, on port property and in restaurants, but under the ordinance by Supervisor Scott Wiener, nudity at city plazas, parklets, sidewalks, streets and public transit would be banned. The legislation would, however, allow nudity at parades and street festivals.

The legislation was spurred by an increase in nudity in the Castro neighborhood, where nudists gather almost every day at a plaza, Wiener said.

Wiener proposed a law last year that would have required nudists to put a cloth or other barrier under their bottoms if they take a seat in public, but he hoped that the situation in the Castro would resolve itself before he proposed a ban on nudity.

'Unfortunately the nudity situation in the Castro, rather than running its course, has gotten more extreme,' Wiener said. 'Many in the community have reached the end of their rope.'

TME Let's just enjoy the fact that the anti-nudity legislation was introduced by a dude named Wiener.

Weapon of choice

BARNSTABLE, Mass. - Authorities have dismissed charges against a Barnstable man accused of assaulting his girlfriend with a pair of designer jeans he had doused in wasabi sauce.

The Cape Cod Times reports that the charges were dismissed Wednesday in Barnstable District Court after a witness failed to appear.

John McGuinness was charged June 8 with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, assault and battery and intimidation of a witness after he allegedly struck the victim in the face with a pair of $200 jeans that he had covered in green wasabi sauce after an argument. Police say he was angry because his girlfriend had received a text message from another man as they drove home from a bar.

Authorities say the woman got the pungent Japanese sauce in her eyes.

TME Unsurprisingly, the soy sauce-soaked sock was less effective.

The Dork Knight

PETOSKEY, Michigan - Police say they arrested a U.S. man after he showed up at a crime scene wearing a Batman outfit because he wouldn't leave them alone.

'He wouldn't clear the scene, and we had a canine out there, and he kept screwing up the scent,' State Police Sgt. Jeff Gorno told the Petoskey News-Review. 'He said he wanted to help us look for the driver.'

Mark Wayne Williams, 33, was charged in Saturday's incident with resisting and obstructing police in an investigation.

Williams also was arrested last year after police received a report of a man dressed as Batman on the roof of a local business. He was sentenced to six months of probation, during which he was forbidden to wear costumes.

TME He's the hero Petoskey deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

See you later, alligator

BALDWIN, N.Y. - An alligator has been found in a supermarket parking lot on New York's Long Island, just a day after another gator was discovered in the same lot.

A 3-to-4-foot-long alligator was discovered in the Pathmark parking lot Wednesday afternoon. On Tuesday, a 2-to-3-foot gator was found there.

The reptiles were captured and turned over to the Nassau County Emergency Services Unit. They will be sent to a reptile sanctuary in Florida.

WCBS-Radio reports that authorities believe that someone dumped them there.

It was the third gator sighting on Long Island in less than a week. Last Friday, an alligator was found crawling on the front lawn of a Mastic beach home.

TME Everyone knows that Pathmark is the supermarket of choice for apex predators.

Best. Jail. Ever.

PAGO PAGO, American Samoa - Two corrections officers at American Samoa's only jail are suspected of letting inmates leave to go on beer and food runs.

Officers Fiti Aina and Rocky Tua were charged this week with aiding the escape of a prisoner, permitting escape and public servant acceding to corruption.

A police search at Territorial Correctional Facility in July turned up beer in an inmate's cell.

Police say that while trying to find out how it got there, they learned the officers were sending inmates unsupervised to a nearby store. One inmate allowed out is serving 40 months for assaulting another man with a machete.

Court documents say an inmate told investigators he bought beer for another inmate and chips and cookies for Tua.

Aina and Tua were each held on $10,000 bail.

TME There's no disputing the redemptive and rehabilitative value of the beer run.

You're doing it wrong

MONROE, Mich. - Authorities say a hungry burglar apparently made and ate a sandwich at a southeastern Michigan home before taking off with a $25 towel rack.

The Monroe Evening News reports the theft happened sometime between Friday night and Saturday morning while a family was away from a Monroe home.

Police in the city about 35 miles southwest of Detroit say nothing else was missing besides lunchmeat and cheese. A plate was left behind on a counter.

A police report didn't name any possible suspects.

TME Rachel Ray has clearly fallen on hard times.

Drive-thru deception

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - Authorities in Florida say a man flashed a fake gun and badge and demanded free fast food at a McDonald's drive-thru.

Pinellas County Sheriff's deputies say Joseph Pineda told employees Friday that he deserved free food, had just come from a sting and didn't have his wallet.

Workers called the police. Pineda initially ignored commands to show his hands but eventually surrendered at gunpoint.

Authorities said they found two fake police badges and a handgun in the center console of his car.

The 33-year-old was charged with impersonating a police officer and improper exhibition of a firearm.

He was being held in the Pinellas County Jail. Online jail records did not indicate whether he had an attorney.

TME In his defense, Big Macs have gotten a little pricey.


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