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March 27, 2013

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Can I crash here?

ALOHA, Ore. - One unlucky Aloha home has been the crash-landing site of two different people suspected of drunken driving. 

In the first crash, on Wednesday, Washington County sheriff's deputies came upon the crash scene and arrested the driver on DUI charges, but the home didn't sustain any damage and no one was injured. 

Then, on Friday, police found 26-year-old Kimberly Veed of Portland wedged inside her 2003 Honda Accord, which was itself wedged between two homes, causing substantial damage. 

Veed failed field sobriety tests and her blood-alcohol content was more than twice the legal limit. 

No one was injured in the second crash. 

TME They'd move, but they're afraid the U-Haul would wind up in their living room.

The main event

ALTOONA, Pa. - A man has been jailed on charges he climbed through a roof vent in a failed attempt to steal two 30-packs of cheap beer from a central Pennsylvania store. 

Online court records don't list an attorney for 20-year-old Derek Dasher, of Tyrone, who faces a preliminary hearing April 4 on burglary and other charges. 

The Altoona Mirror reports Dasher climbed down into the cooler at Cassidy's Brew Zoo through the vent about 5 p.m. Wednesday while the store was still open for business. 

Police say he took two packs of Keystone Light worth $36.99 and ran out the back door, but was caught by an employee. 

Police say Dasher was in the store's office when they arrived and acknowledged stealing the beer. 

He remained in the Blair County Prison on Friday. 

TME Our only question is why waste such a sweet plan on Keystone Light?

Snake and a flame

TEXARKANA, Texas - Authorities say a northeast Texas woman recently learned a hard lesson: Don't try to kill a snake by setting it on fire. 

The woman was cleaning the yard outside a home near Texarkana Wednesday night when she spotted a snake. Bowie County Sheriff's Capt. David Grable says she poured gasoline on the snake to try to kill it. Her son then dropped a lit match on the snake. 

The engulfed snake slithered into some brush nearby the home. Grable says the brush ignited and started a fire that destroyed the home and damaged one next door. 

Both homes were vacant, and no one was injured. 

Grable says most snakes are harmless if left alone. 

TME And that's how you weaponize a snake.

Like a good neighbor

SANTA FE, N.M. - A judge has ordered some Santa Fe neighbors to stop threatening each other over barking dogs, loud music and access to a subdivision road. 

The Santa Fe New Mexican reports that State District Judge Frank Mathew told the feuding neighbors Thursday in the Mission Viejo subdivision not to harass or call one another after a series of bizarre complaints. 

Keith Bujold has been in a long fight with neighbor Ernest Kavanaugh Sr. over access to a disputed road that has resulted in threats with pistols. 

Bujold says the Kavanaughs began harassing him and his wife four years ago by telling them, 'You're all Gringos from New York. Go back to the city and leave us alone.' 

But Kavanaugh says Bujold called him a 'Mexican' who didn't speak English well. 

TME Best sitcom ever?

This week in badassery

YELLOWKNIFE, NORTHWEST TERRITORIES - A Canadian man was just scratching what he thought was an old itch this week when it turned out to be a knife blade that had been buried in his back for almost three years. 

Billy McNeely said this week it all goes back to an April, 2010, birthday party in McNeely's home town of Fort Good Hope, Northwest Territories. McNeely got into a fight over an arm-wrestling contest and was stabbed five times. A doctor stitched him up back then and never took X-Rays. 

Ever since, McNeely would set off metal detector and he's had a lump in his back where the knife went in. It never stopped nagging him and grew more painful this week. 

Doctors dug out a blade measuring about 2.7 inches (7 centimeters). 

TME Pretty sure this guy should be the prime minister of Canada.

Setting an example

UPPER DARBY, Pa. - Police say a Philadelphia-area woman returned to a dollar store where she'd been banned and pepper-sprayed employees who tried to escort her out before giving the can to her 7-year-old daughter and asking her to continue the fight. 

Upper Darby police say 27-year-old Delaina Garling went to the Family Dollar Store on Monday, a place she'd been banned from for alleged theft. When employees tried to escort her out, police say she doused them with pepper spray. 

Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood says after employees tackled Garling, she handed the can to her daughter and said: 'You know what to do, baby. Spray it!' Chitwood says the girl never used the spray. 

Garling is charged with simple assault and other counts. A telephone message left for her was not immediately returned.

TME They're the Batman and Robin of families banned from Family Dollar.


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