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March 14, 2012

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Days of our Wives

TACOMA, Wash. - A Washington state corrections officer has been charged with bigamy after Facebook discovered two women were connected to him and suggested they might want to be 'friends.'

Pierce County prosecutors say Alan L. O'Neill married a woman in 2001, moved out in 2009, changed his name and remarried without divorcing wife No. 1.

Wife No. 1 recently found out about Wife No. 2 when Facebook detected their connection to O'Neill and suggested the friendship connection.

Wife No. 1 then called the defendant's mother, Pierce County Prosecutor Mark Lindquist told The News Tribune.

'An hour later the defendant arrived at (Wife No. 1's) apartment, and she asked him several times if they were divorced,' court records show. 'The defendant said, `No, we are still married.'

Neither O'Neill nor his first wife had filed for divorce, according to charging documents. The name change came in December, and later that month he married his second wife.

O'Neill allegedly told Wife No. 1 not to tell anybody about his dual marriages, that he would fix it, the documents state.

TME 'I supported both of these families wholeheartedly. Bigamy, wasn't it?'

So much speed

PORTLAND, Ore. - Traffic officers along Interstate 84 in Oregon's Columbia River Gorge say a lead-footed driver was in such a hurry to make a court date on a meth possession charge that he racked up $2,000 worth of speeding tickets in an hour.

Police say 34-year-old Jose Romero-Valenzuela of Las Vegas, Nev., was zooming west Wednesday morning and got pulled over three times _ first at 105 mph, then at 98 mph and finally at 92 mph.

Police say the last ticket appeared to have an effect. Down the road a bit, a trooper set up watch and clocked him at the limit, 65 mph.

Besides fines and penalties, police say his license could be suspended for up to 90 days if he's found guilty on the citation alleging driving in excess of 100 mph.

Police confirm he was indeed scheduled for a court appearance later Wednesday in Oregon City, south of Portland.

TME Speeding to a court date for possession of speed and getting meta with meth. Delightful.

This week in complicated breakups

ALIQUIPPA, Pa. - Police have charged a Pennsylvania man with hiding a remote listening device under his estranged wife's bed that he said he used to avoid overhearing her sex life in the house they still shared.

Raccoon Township police say 66-year-old Wayne Comet Cripe's wife contacted them after finding the transmitter under her bed last month. The Cripes are separated, but still share a home with separate bedrooms.

The Beaver County Times reports Thursday that Cripe acknowledged using the device, telling officers he put it there so he'd know when his wife and her boyfriend were having sex.

Police say Cripe was tired of overhearing the lovemaking and tried to use the device, which he said didn't work, to determine whether 'the coast was clear' before returning home.

No attorney is listed for Cripe in court records.

TME If this couple ends up reconciling, we've got the plot to the creepiest romantic comedy ever made.

Lying down on the job?

MIAMI - A veteran Miami-Dade police officer caught using her patrol car to haul mattresses was relieved of duty with pay while the department investigates, a spokeswoman said Wednesday.

Officer Sandra Lyles' vehicle, gun and badge were taken as part of the investigation. The 32-year veteran of the department is set to retire Monday, but a police spokeswoman said the investigation wouldn't affect her retirement.

'It's a very serious incident because it's one of our employees violating policy and embarrassing herself and the department,' said police Major Nancy Perez, a department spokeswoman.

Several Miami television stations aired viewers' video or photos of Lyles' marked patrol car with the mattresses fastened to the top.

A phone number listed for Lyles has been disconnected.

Lyes has received merit increases since being hired with the department in January 1980, but she was also disciplined more than a dozen times, according to her personnel records. She was suspended several times for being involved in preventable crashes with her patrol car; received discipline for conducting private business while on duty in 2007 and in 2003 was given a written reprimanded for 'parking a marked police vehicle in a location designed for handicapped access,' records show.

TME So how is she supposed to move that sectional sofa now?

Have a seat!

NEW ORLEANS - New Orleans police say that when a burglar attacked with a spoon and fork, a woman defended herself with a small stool.

The man got away on the woman's bicycle, but police say officers in the area arrested 23-year-old Charles Taylor shortly after the woman called. Taylor was booked with aggravated burglary.

Detective Brandon Singleton said Tuesday that the woman heard a loud noise shortly before 11 p.m. Monday and saw Taylor in her bedroom. He says that as she chased him through her kitchen, Taylor armed himself with silverware and began stabbing. The woman grabbed the stool and chased him out the back door.

He says Taylor took a bicycle from a shed, but Officers Jason Samuels and Ben Jones found him on a nearby street.

TME The moral to the story: never bring silverware to a stool fight.

Shoe better watch out!

BAYOU BLACK, La. - A would-be assailant who tried to attack a 74-year-old Bayou Black man with a pellet gun got more than he bargained for.

The ski-mask-clad man attacked Thomas Lumbley as he was leaving his home Sunday night. As Lumbley struggled with the attacker, his wife, Clara, called 911 then rushed to her husband's defense, beating the gunman on the head with a shoe.

The Courier reports the suspect screamed in pain and ran away.

Before he took off, Clara Lumbley says the man grabbed her husband's car keys. His mask also fell off, but the couple did not get a good look at him.

Terrebonne sheriff's deputies say the couple was not seriously injured.

Clara Lumbley said the struggle only lasted about 10 minutes, but it 'felt like a lifetime.'

TME That guy is just lucky she wasn't wearing her lucky stilettos.

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