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February 6, 2013

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PITTSBURGH - Pittsburgh police say a determined 6-year-old girl didn't hurt anyone when she crashed her mother's car while trying to drive across town to visit her father. 

Police haven't released the name of the girl whose mother was reportedly still sleeping when the girl took the woman's car keys about 9 a.m. Sunday. 

Police Sgt. Jerry Parker tells reporters the little girl is tall for her age, but adds: 'How she knew how to operate a car, your guess is as good as mine.' 

Police say the girl hit two parked vehicles, pushing one of them into a third, before hitting a utility pole. 

Police and the girl's father arrived to take her home after the accident. 

Police are still investigating but haven't said if anyone will face charges.

TME She's already a better driver than Amanda Bynes. 

A spicy sob story

HELENA, Mont. - A Montana man whose tearful reluctance to rob a pizza restaurant earned him free food apparently made up the sob story that gained him the clerk's sympathy. 

David Randall Lacey, 35, entered a Papa John's pizza restaurant on Jan. 22 with a bandanna over his face and gave the clerk a note demanding money, Helena police said. He broke down crying and told the clerk he needed the money to support his wife and children, who were hungry. The clerk made him a large pepperoni pizza and some chicken wings as he waited, and the man left. 

The Independent Record reports an investigation found Lacey has no children in Helena and changed his story when he saw how little money was in the cash register - just $24.56, according to a police report. 

Police received a tip that Lacey acknowledged his role in the incident and a clerk picked him out of a lineup. He was arrested Thursday on suspicion of felony robbery. He remained jailed Friday with bail set at $25,000. 

Lacey told police he needed the money to buy food, court records said. 

TME If you can't trust the guy robbing your pizza joint, who can you trust?

Clipped wings

WOODBURY, N.J. - A five-time wing-eating champion known as 'El Wingador' has been indicted in New Jersey on cocaine distribution charges. 

William Simmons is charged with four counts of possession of a controlled dangerous substance and one count of manufacturing or distribution of more than a half ounce of cocaine in June. 

The South Jersey Times reports the 51-year-old Woodbury Heights resident is also charged with six counts of manufacturing or distribution of more than a half ounce and less than five ounces of the drug and two counts of manufacturing less than half an ounce. 

'El Wingador' last won Philadelphia's Wing Bowl in 2005 when he gnawed through 162 chicken wings. Wing Bowl was started as a way for Philadelphia sports fans to blow off steam before the Super Bowl. 

TME - Time for a name change we're thinking 'El Snortador.'

Beer break

BURGETTSTOWN, Pa. - Police say a western Pennsylvania man stopped at a bar and had a beer minutes after he broke out of a police station holding cell after his arrest on an assault charge. 

The Washington County public defender's office on Wednesday declined to comment on the charges filed against 40-year-old Smith Township resident Timothy Bonner. 

Police say they were processing Bonner and had removed his handcuffs and placed him in the cell. That's when Bonner allegedly knocked the cell door off its hinges and ran away. 

After stopping at a house to borrow shoes, police say Smith went to Richy's Bar, where a customer tells WPXI-TV the suspect acknowledged breaking out of jail and then asked for a beer. 

The customer says he bought a beer for Smith, who didn't get to enjoy it before police arrested him. 

TME Nice to see a man with his priorities in place.

Udder chaos

SOUTHAMPTON, Mass. - The vandals that damaged a Massachusetts cemetery this week have pleaded 'moo.' 

Police say a small herd of cows knocked over 40 American flags and veterans' bronze grave markers, then snacked on a few flower arrangements, at the Center Cemetery in Southampton on Monday. 

Motorists called to report that the cows were loose. Police contacted the owner, Henry Wykowski, who caught and removed the cows from the cemetery. 

Chief David Silvernail says the cows are an 'ongoing problem,' and his department has responded to complaints about the roaming bovines three or four times since last spring. 

Cemetery Commission member Robert Floyd tells The Daily Hampshire Gazette he plans on asking the farmer to pay for the damage once he comes up with an estimate. 

TME What a bunch of moo-venile delinquents.

The pipes, the pipes are calling

LINCOLN, Neb. - Authorities say they discovered a budding marijuana-growing operation after residents of a Lincoln house called police to report the theft of marijuana pipes. 

The Lincoln Journal Star reports that officers were called to the house Saturday morning. Residents had reported that two people, one of them armed with a handgun, forced their way inside the house and took two hookah pipes. 

Officers questioning the residents noticed marijuana, paraphernalia and several bottles of fertilizer. They also saw light shining from under a door barred with a padlock and a power cord snaking into the room. 

After getting a search warrant, police say they found three marijuana plants, grow lights and other equipment. 

Police arrested a 19-year-old man on suspicion of manufacturing marijuana and ticketed his roommates for having marijuana paraphernalia.

TME It's like 'Breaking Bad,' only with dimwitted hippies.


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