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April 4, 2012

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Monkey business

COLUMBUS, Ohio - A gorilla from the Columbus zoo in Ohio is among those whose picks failed to match the winning Mega Millions numbers for a record $640 million jackpot in the multistate lottery game.

On ABC's Good Morning America, Colo (KOH'-loh) the gorilla was presented a pile of onions marked 1 through 56, for her five main selections, and a pile of turnips marked 1 through 46, for her Mega Ball choice.

Her onion choices were nine, 12, 21, 31 and 41. Her turnip Mega Ball number was 9. The winning numbers Friday were: two, four, 23, 38 and 46, with 23 as the Mega Ball.

The 55-year-old Colo had a history of giving sage advice. Last year, she correctly picked the NCAA Men's Final Four and its champion, Connecticut.

TME Foolishness. Everyone knows that gorilla magic can't be used for personal gain.

I'm Batman!

ROCKVILLE, Maryland - Police in the U.S. pulled over a motorist dressed as Batman, but the caped crusader escaped - legally - without a ticket.

Authorities pulled over the driver of a black Lamborghini with Batman logo tags last week outside Washington. The driver was dressed as the Dark Knight - cape, mask and all. Police weren't impressed and wanted to talk to him about his superhero logo license plate, which isn't an approved plate in Maryland.

The driver, who goes by Lenny B. Robinson when not dressed as a superhero to visit sick children at hospitals, was able to show them a proper license plate. A video of the stop shows police officers shaking his hand and taking pictures of him with his ride.

TME Those cops are just lucky it wasn't Wonder Woman Wednesday.

Caveat emptor

ORANGE, Conn. - There's a new twist for police in Orange, Conn.: They've had to break a man out of handcuffs.

Assistant Chief Ed Koether tells the Connecticut Post newspaper officers were called Thursday afternoon to an adult entertainment store in Orange, a town just west of New Haven. The man had been trying on the cuffs and locked himself in a pair.

Koether says shop employees couldn't get the man free and called the fire department and then police.

The cuffs were similar to the kind police officers carry. But Koether says the officers tried several keys that didn't work. The handcuffs had to be removed with bolt cutters.

Koether says he doesn't know if the man had to pay for the broken handcuffs.

TME Perhaps 'try before you buy' isn't the best attitude to have in an adult entertainment store.

A birdbrained scheme

DEL RIO, Texas - A Texas man caught trying to smuggle baby parrots back from Mexico by putting the birds in his pants has been fined more than $2,600.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials said Thursday that agents in Del Rio also confiscated 56 blades that are used for cockfighting. Authorities said the 33-year-old man is from the West Texas town of Comanche but did not release his name.

Birds cannot be brought across the border due to concerns of spreading disease.

The small, green parrots were found Sunday in the man's pockets and in his backpack.

TME A bird in the pants is worth two in the bush.

You're doing it wrong!

JACKSON, Tenn. - A man who West Tennessee authorities had no reason to jail has given them two.

Madison County Sheriff David Woolfork told The Jackson Sun Clint Earl Sims showed up Tuesday at the county jail to turn himself in. Deputies checked warrants and there were none for Sims. They told him there was no cause to put him in jail.

Woolfork said Sims then said he would give them one. The warrant states Sims picked up a gumball vending machine in the jail lobby, carried it outside and used it to break out two windows.

The charges are burglary and vandalism.

Sims was still in the jail Thursday morning.

Woolfork said he never experienced a person breaking into jail before.

TME The only people who demand to be jailed without cause are werewolves and the Incredible Hulk. Be warned.

Robble robble!

AUGUSTA, Maine - A real-life Hamburglar has struck at a Maine McDonald's.

Police say a young man, seemingly inspired by the pattie purloining character once featured in McDonald's advertising campaigns, ran between a car and the takeout window at the Augusta restaurant Sunday night as an employee handed a bag of food to a driver.

A witness flagged down an officer leaving a nearby convenience store.

Lt. Christopher Massey, acting on a description of the hungry thief, found him in the parking lot of a rival fast food restaurant diving into a McDonald's bag.

Massey tells the Kennebec Journal the suspect swore and ran into the woods. He was never caught.

Massey says the three young men who had their food stolen didn't know the burger thief.

McDonald's replaced the stolen food, worth about $20.

TME Mayor McCheese has declared martial law. The Grimace shall be unleashed.

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