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April 10, 2013

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Crappy currency

HELENA, Mont. - A Montana man whose 12-year-old golden retriever ate five $100 bills hopes to be reimbursed by the federal government. 

Wayne Klinkel tells the Independent Record that his dog Sundance ate the bills while he and his wife were on a road trip to visit their daughter. 

Klinkel says he carefully picked through the dog's droppings, and his daughter recovered more when snow melted. 

He says he washed the remnants of the bills and taped them together and sent them to the Treasury Department's Bureau of Engraving and Printing with an explanation of what happened. 

The bureau's website says an 'experienced mutilated currency examiner' will determine if at least 51 percent of a bill is present and eligible for reimbursement. The process can take up to two years. 

TME It's like the goose that laid the golden egg, only gross.

Breaking in

NEW YORK - A man who repeatedly used phony credentials to gain entry into New York City's jails may get his wish to do more time. 

Prosecutors told a judge on Thursday that they want Matthew Matagrano to be locked up for 10 years. Matagrano, a former inmate, pleaded not guilty to felony burglary in Manhattan Supreme Court. 

The judge doubled his bail to $100,000 and ordered him to get medical attention. 

The New York Post reports that according to police statements released in court, Matagrano said he repeatedly sneaked into jails because the people inside were 'nice' and made him 'feel important.' 

Authorities say Matagrano tried to get inside multiple city lockups, including Rikers Island and the Manhattan Detention Center, where he mingled with inmates for hours. 

TME In the business, this is known as a 'reverse Shawshank.'

Meanwhile, in Montana

BUTTE, Mont. - So the goat that walked into a Montana bar last weekend ... was stolen from a petting zoo. 

Fairmont Hot Springs Resort general manager Steve Luebeck says staffers knew the goat was missing but didn't realize it had been stolen until they saw a story in The Montana Standard on Wednesday reporting that a goat had been taken into a Butte bar early Sunday. 

The pygmy goat, named 'Shirley, was returned to the resort's petting zoo. 

Luebeck tells The Standard he has never had an animal stolen from the zoo, which has goats and miniature horses. He says zoo managers would like to know who took the animal so they can press charges. 

TME After that setup, we expected a better punchline.

A sweet sweet heist

BERLIN - These thieves might really have sticky fingers. 

Police said Monday an unknown number of culprits made off with 5 metric tons (5.5 tons) of Nutella chocolate-hazelnut spread from a parked trailer in the central German town of Bad Hersfeld over the weekend. 

The gooey loot is worth an estimated 16,000 euros ($20,710). 

Germans news agency dpa reported that thieves have previously stolen a load of energy drinks from the same location. 

TME First energy drinks, then Nutella? Doritos truck drivers better watch their backs.

DIY DUI

ROSELAWN, Ind. - A northern Indiana man who called 911 and told dispatchers he was driving drunk and needed to be taken off the road got his wish when a sheriff's deputy arrived. 

State Police say 24-year-old Matthew Devore of Logansport was arrested early Monday along Interstate 65 in Jasper County. Police said Devore had a blood-alcohol level of .09, just over Indiana's legal limit for driving. He was being held at the Jasper County Jail on a driving while intoxicated charge. 

State Police say Devore lost control of his car early Monday and it ended up in a grassy median with a flat tire. 

Police say Devore then called 911, saying he was a drunk and needed to be taken off the road. A sheriff's deputy was then dispatched to the scene. 

TME It's like he citizen's arrested himself. 

Shell game

DUBUQUE, Iowa - An African leopard tortoise thought to be stolen from an Iowa museum was actually trapped behind paneling in her enclosure, and a misguided employee who found her lied to keep up the story about her theft, the museum announced Friday. 

In a bizarre move, the employee who found the 18-pound reptile named Cashew put her into a building elevator in an attempt to prevent the museum further embarrassment, said Jerry Enzler, president and CEO of the National Mississippi River Museum & Aquarium in Dubuque. 

The tortoise was found alone in a museum elevator on Thursday, two days after the museum had discovered she was missing and announced that she had been stolen. Museum officials told media outlets Thursday that they believed a regretful thief had smuggled her back inside. 

But several hours later, a museum employee came forward and told the truth: Cashew was never stolen. 

'The action taken by the employee Thursday afternoon was wrong and is not reflective of the integrity of the staff who dedicate themselves to the highest of Museum & Aquarium standards,' Enzler said in a statement Friday. 

Enzler said the employee, whose name and position has not been released, will be reprimanded. He said it was a personal issue and did not provide any additional information. 

TME Slow and steady solves the case.

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