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Katy England Katy England
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edge staff writer


What did I just say?

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I never realized that the weirdest things I'd hear spoken in this house would be things my husband and I say to the children. In retrospect, I probably should have expected that, considering some of the things I'm sure my parents asked me (e.g. Dad: 'Katy, where did you get that gum?' Me age 3 at the circus: 'On the floor.' Me age 34: 'Gross').

Sometimes you ask kids questions to figure out what caused the commotion. Since they do spend some time on their own (in their rooms, doing something that resembles napping or playing quietly), I don't always know what has happened to cause a fuss, so I try to find out. It's like being on a really bad 'Law and Order' episode with insane people. You're desperately looking for clues, but even if they speak English they aren't making much sense.

The other conversations tend to happen after someone has done something they ought not be doing, or will cause them grievous bodily injury if they continue.

In the past few short years, we've had some doozies. Some are lost to the fuzz that is the past, but here's a few.

- Did you pick your sister's scabs?

- Don't touch the cat's butt.

- Keep your hands out of the potty.

- Is that poop on the floor?

- You'll lick a shoe, but you don't want homemade mac and cheese?

- Which book did you eat?

- Why are you up at 4:30 a.m. calling for your (stuffed)dog?

- Did you eat the crayon/modeling clay/rock/bug/crusted-on Cheerio you found in your shoe?

-Did you just hand me a booger? Thank you.

- How did you get your diaper off?

- Grunting isn't kindness. Neither is hitting me in the face.

- Did you just kiss the daddy long-legs? Don't squish him! Use gentle hands!

- Is that your sister's hair in your hands? Did you pull her hair out? That's naughty!

- Don't grab handfuls of the cat!

- You just grabbed a handful of my back that I didn't know I had.

- You seriously don't want pie?

- Did you just run into the wall?

-Careful! When you push a rocking chair it pushes back!

- We aren't bringing the rocks inside.

-Fine, you can sleep with the excavator.

- Stop kicking the wall/door/heaters/window is that seriously a chunk of plaster missing?

And that's really just the tip of the iceberg. What are some things you've found yourself saying to your kids? Email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

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