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Katy England Katy England
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Unhappily ever after

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There was something of a startling revelation as our kids began to do things like sleep through the night, laugh and be generally happy. The revelation was that not everyone wants us to be happy.

No, no, no it's nothing sinister. But there is a certain type of person who will ask how things are, and if we tell them good news (e.g The kids started sleeping through the night! Or They're such happy babies, etc.) these people will follow up almost immediately with something like 'Wait till they start teething!' or 'Wait till they start getting into everything.'

I haven't been reduced to tears yet. But I have had to keep myself from petulantly telling them to shut their stupid mouths. 'Cause, seriously, I don't want to hear it.

The worst part is, they're usually right.

I know this because the beans started teething. And we went from sleeping mostly through the night (not waking up until 4:30 and sometimes even making it to 6 a.m.) to battling for a nap, getting up at 3 a.m. and not going back to sleep.

All this makes me incredibly glad I have no recollection of growing my first teeth. Though, if it's anything like the feeling I had when my braces were tightened as youngster, they have my deepest sympathies.

And of course, things that used to be kind of fun - like letting a babies gnaw on your knuckle with their cute little gums - becomes a lot less cute when they have sprouted their miniature razorblades.

And all I can picture are these people gloating about it. Thinking about how they told us how bad it was going to be. So we've devised a mature and sophisticated way of dealing with this. We've decided that we're going to start lying. Any time someone asks us how things are the answer will be, 'Great!' The kids will be angels always. I mean they are angels anyway, but now they're shimmering angels who only poop glitter and sleep for 12 hours at a stretch and nap on command! They eat and sleep in perfect synchronicity. Cry? Never! They can already sing in perfect pitch, clear the dishes off the table, and say please and thank you without prompting. Lies? Maybe.

What was that you said? Wait until they can run around and knock things over? Shut up!

Last modified on Thursday, 31 May 2012 08:13

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