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Katy England Katy England
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edge staff writer


I will not survive the zombie apocalypse

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There was a time I used to think that if the zombie apocalypse occurred I'd do OK. I mean, I don't think I'd be Rick Grimes or anything, but I think I would have made it to round two. But now I'm not so sure.

As many of you recall, last week we experienced a freak snowstorm that left many without power for several days to almost a week. I heard about the storm and wasn't terribly concerned, as we have a generator that keeps the worst of the discomforts at bay. So long as it's working. Which it didn't.

Here's the thing, itwasworking as of the previous Thursday. Each Thursday at 8:30 a.m. (now 7:30 a.m., since we turned the clocks back), it kicks on and stays on for a half hour, then shuts itself off. If it doesn't do that, we call someone and they tinker with it until it does. It turned on I remember because when it shut off my son said, 'Thank you, generator!'

We told the kids that the generator practices so it can be ready when the power goes out. So I didn't get too up in arms when we heard about the upcoming snowstorm. Ah, complacency.

So it snowed. Then it really snowed. Then it continued snowing. Sunday afternoon the kids were upstairs 'napping' (i.e. running around their rooms yelling in glee) and I was trying to get some writing done when the power went out. Ack! I waited 30 seconds went by, a few minutes no encouraging motor sounded from outside. The generator wasn't kicking on. We tried a manual start, tried calling and getting some help over the phone. Not much help, and it seemed no help would be forthcoming until at least Monday. Awesome.

So we were in the dark. And because I had made the foolish decision not to get worried, I hadn't filled the tub with water. Thankfully, I do have something of a paranoid mind and had filled all available containers in the house with water. Good thing.

So, we spend the rest of the day and next without power. Our house was well built and held heat reasonably well. We couldn't get out driveway plowed until late Monday afternoon. There was thankfully some leftover coffee in the pot, which I drank cold and tried not to think about the food thawing in my chest freezer and the bacteria growing in the warming fridge.

The kids had a hard time sleeping without their trusty fans to add white noise. Plus, everyone had come down with some type of cold. In the grand scheme of things, we got everything sorted out and the power back on sooner than most.

But it was then I realized we wouldn't make it too far in the zombie apocalypse or nuclear aftermath survival drama. I'd wake up after the first day with a coffee withdrawal hangover so strong I'd be crippled. Couple that with no hot showers, no way to watch Netflix (or worse, no way to let the kids watch Netflix), and I'm pretty much zombie bait.

So, if you're out there in post-apocalyptic Maine, I'll probably be one of the zombies going after your brains. It's not personal, it's business.


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