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Katy England Katy England
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edge staff writer


Gravity and other inconveniences

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"You have strange rules on this planet." "You have strange rules on this planet."

Finding out about the world must be awful. I mean think about all the things you get to take for granted now: communication, movement, the laws of physics. The kids are just learning about these things at times painfully.

With my boy walking not just taking the occasional step there are more things to worry about. They all have access to shelves that were previous safe zones for items like coffee and car keys. Books and DVDs that held no interest to them are now being forcibly rearranged, and then moved completely by responsible adults who want to be able to watch the complete first season of 'Firefly' without teeth marks in it.

And there's the blood and tears. Because it isn't just walking that causes bumps. The boy can haul when he crawls. And for some reason his coordination has taken a turn for the worse: he's taken a couple face-plants, crawling. The past week he looks like he's taken a couple jabs from Muhammad Ali right in the kisser.

The stealing, which started early, has intensified. Now, instead of just stealing an item, shoving has entered the mix. This is inevitably followed by someone being placed in the baby cage with the nice Weeble family (Please, don't call DHHS the baby cage is a large six-sided mobile baby-gate that interlocks with itself).

But it isn't just diggers and face plants that cause the kids pain when it comes to the laws of gravity. It's also coming to the painful realization that when you drop your very favorite friend in the world out of the crib, he's not able to come back under his own power. Gravity sucks.

This is a rough enactment of how nap time is going (please note, they can't actually say these things):


Me (rushing up in a panic): What?! What! Are you being attacked? Did you poop?!

Baby: My friend! My friend is on the dirty ground!!!

Me: Here, let me help you. Here's Tux Deluxe; try to hold on to him.

(At this point I take two steps towards the door)

Baby: NOOOOOOOOO! He's on the ground again!

Me: Seriously?

They get one mulligan. Then it's time to learn what it's like to sleep without a stuffed penguin, dog or bear. I know, I'm heartless. But my resolve is usually tempered by an overwhelming need to eat or use the bathroom.


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