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Edge Mom and husband held captive by feral triplets

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This week's Edge Staff Mom article has been delayed since we learned that the triplets have overthrown their parents and are holding them hostage until their demands are met. Negotiators are trying to communicate with the children, and have not been able to make contact with our writers. 

'We can hear what seems to be intermittent laughing, followed by crying. We aren't sure if that is the parents or the children at this point,' said a source who declined to be named since the investigation is ongoing and he hasn't been cleared to release information.

They have seen the kids stuffing what appear to be peas and carrots into the mouths of their parents, while screaming, 'More please?! One more bite!'

'It's horrible. I've never seen grownups cry like that,' said one of the negotiators, who was clearly shaken up by the scene.

'We do know that they somehow were able to get into a hidden stash of Easter candy, and that's what set this whole thing off. They are making some pretty irrational demands, but we're open to anything at this point,' said our source.

Photographers have been able to glimpse inside the house, and report that it looks like a bomb of shiny plastic toys mixed with Cheerios went off inside the house, but sources close to the family note that this isn't much different than how the house normally looks. 

Family members are concerned for the wellbeing of the parents and are at a loss as to how this could have happened.

'The kids always seemed pretty happy. I never would have thought they hated green beans that much,' said one distraught grandparent, who would only be identified as Grampy.

'This happens more often than you think,' said Esmeralda Von Blanket, head researcher of feral multiples, an organization most people never thought existed. 'It's always dangerous when the children outnumber the parents. You can only pray that they never figure out the advantage they have in numbers. But once they do, there is almost no stopping them short of tranquilizers. Heaven forfend if they get into the coffee.'

We have obtained a copy of the ransom demand note.

WEB EDITOR'S NOTE: THis is part of our April Fools Edition. The triplets are not feral and Katy and Paul are safe and sound. Well, maybe not sound...


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