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Dear Todd Parker (11/09/2016)

November 9, 2016
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Dear Todd Parker,

I have been dating my current girlfriend for three years. We have been serious for almost the entire relationship and have never had any major problems between us. However, she has been acting really weird lately.

I recently decided to forgo getting a Master's degree in my current major and go to law school (we are both seniors in college). I'd been planning on the MA for a while, but suddenly law school made sense to me. So I decided to go in a different direction.

At first she seemed to be fine with my decision, and even encouraged it. But in the past two weeks or so she's been questioning my commitment to her, citing the fact I changed my career path which would postpone any long-term plans, like marriage. She's now just flat-out bitter about it, saying 'Whatever' and 'Sure' when I say I love you.

I barely see her anymore and she's limiting pretty much all communication. I have no clue what's going on. Do you have an idea of why she might be acting so bizarre?

Lost in Orono


Dear Lost,

Well, here's a clue. You're an idiot. How's that for an idea?

Take a step back and think for a second, chief. Not once in your grand plans do you even mention your 'serious' girlfriend. You decided. You and only you. Did it even occur to you to have a conversation with your lady about a major life decision that affects both of you? No wonder she's pissed at you, jackass. It's selfish asshats like you that give the rest of us a bad name.

All you had to do was ask her opinion. Have a discussion. That's literally it. Is that so damned hard? Hell, she'd probably be on board with the whole plan as we speak if you hadn't been such a moron.

The only surprising thing is that she even tried to hop onboard with the new plan. Truth is, she should have called you on this bullcrap in the first minute. The fact that it took her two weeks to reach her boiling point more or less guarantees that she's far, far too good for the garbage fire likes of you.

Pull up your big-boy pants and listen hard, d-bag. Relationships - at least successful ones - are built on trust and communication. Both of which you completely ignored while tossing the GRE in favor of the LSAT (that's right - Todd Parker knows from academia).

For some unknown reason, this woman was ready to go all-in with you. God knows why, since you're clearly a self-absorbed toolbag. I just hope she realizes it before she makes a terrible mistake and forgives you.

That answer your question, sthead? You make me wish preemptive disbarment was a thing.

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