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edge staff writer


Celebrity Slam - (12/30/15)

December 29, 2015
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While we have no problems taking shot after shot at the foibles and failings of famous folks, there are certain things that we try to stay away from. In particular, we generally steer clear of stuff that involves the children of celebrities (you know, beyond the ridiculous names with which they're often saddled).

However, sometimes a celebrity manages to make parenting choices that are so hilariously poor that we can't help but address them. Obviously, we're not interested in making light of a child getting hurt, but when a famous person proves him- or herself to be particularly tone-deaf in their relationship with their kids, well that's when we get to talk about Madonna.

That's right the Material Girl herself has managed to infuriate her teenaged son in the most embarrassing way possible. Basically, what happened was that Madonna took a video of young Rocco her 15-year-old son with film director Guy Ritchie as he was doing a flip into a swimming pool in his underpants. Since most of us are over Mom taking underwear pics before we start kindergarten, you can see why this would be irritating.

Madonna went next-level, though. She went ahead and posted the video online and added the hashtag #nosausage. Yeah it wasn't enough to put underpants evidence out into the ether; she had to imply that her teenaged son had a teeny peeny. You know, because 15-year-old boys are super secure about their bodies.

We're not going to go into the custody issues that are already starting to arise between Madonna and Ritchie there's nothing particularly funny or entertaining about that.

However, #nosausage is DEFINITELY funny. There's no disputing that.

The only surprising part of this is how surprised Madonna seemed to be at how peeved her son was. Seriously how entitled and self-deluded do you have to be to think that #nosausage wouldn't cause problems? You have to feel for the kid he's just duding it up, horsing around the pool in his skivvies because he can, when all of a sudden his lame mother (because no matter who your mother might be to the rest of the world, when you're 15, you think she's kind of lame) plays a video and tells the world that his whatnot is itty-bitty.

I'd probably want some space too.

Ultimately, this will probably all blow over and everyone will get back to living their lives. Moms will be moms, even if they are world-famous, uber-rich megastars. Young Rocco will understand it all soon enough. It's a small problem. Tiny, even.

No boards on board

What is it about famous people and flying?

It seems like all celebrities have a weird blind spot when it comes to traveling by air. Granted, there are some who have private jets and all that business, but there are plenty of celebs who travel via airline. Granted, it's all first-class and luxurious, but it's still via airline.

But airlines have rules rules that don't get bent for anyone, no matter how famous they might be. Since so many of these famous people live in their own isolating bubbles of entitlement and ego, they aren't accustomed to having to follow the same rules as the rest of us Muggles. So when they have to, they tend to get huffy and pitch fits.

Which brings us to Russell Crowe.

Mr. Crowe was scheduled to fly on a Virgin flight when he was informed that his hoverboards couldn't be taken on the flight the volatility of the hoverboard's lithium ion battery makes it a significant risk. This is something that is indicated on the airline's website among other places; the story has been making the rounds over the past week or so. In short, it's definitely not a secret.

But it was news to Maximus, who basically threw a hissy fit and swore off Virgin forever. Virgin owner Richard Branson, for his part, made it clear that the hoverboard ban is plastered all over check-in and confirmation info in short, if Crowe can't be bothered to read it, that isn't Branson's problem.

Leaving aside the general stupidity of the hoverboard, one can imagine that Crowe simply figured that the rules didn't apply to him and he could do what he wanted. When he couldn't, he was a baby about it. And in the end, if not having hoverboards ruins your vacation, it's safe to say you've got bigger problems.

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