Posted by

Katy England Katy England
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
edge staff writer


My immune system

September 21, 2015
Rate this item
(1 Vote)

I know it's a running joke that when the kids start school, they get sick. And sure enough, ours did. Everyone talks about how it is helping their immune system which I dig. I love the immune system. It's hardcore. But if school helps you build up your immune system, why the heck am I getting sick? I've had 35 years to build up the defenses - I should not be getting the same gorram cold every single time!

And before you email me, yes, I understand the viruses mutate and that's why I get sick. That doesn't mean I have to like it. What kills me is, it's not that bad. You heard me correctly, not that bad. But it's just bad enough to make me feel like I've been run over by a miniature truck like the kind the Shriners drive in parades. All I really want to do is collapse on the couch with a piping hot cup of tea and binge-watch 'Agents of Shield' but I have to get lunches ready, and try to at least clean up the big pieces of clutter. Oh, God, do I have clean pants for tomorrow? Better do laundry too.

Facebook is a good barometer for the waves of illness in children. If you have friends with kids, there's probably a good chance they will post about them being sick on social media. I have a super-secret page for where I whine about it, so people in my business circles don't have to get updates on runny noses and fevers, but I still do it. So, when Angie, my best friend from college, mentioned that her oldest had succumbed to a croup, and she was trying to strategically avoid having her toddler catch it, I commiserated and then complained about my immune system. She said I didn't understand the basic math concepts behind the immune system and replied thus (reproduced with permission):

'No, you have to do the immune system math. So take your immune system and subtract 3(X) where X equals one for every time you get coughed, sneezed, snotted or drooled on, then subtract 10(X) where X equals the number of hours of sleep you lost taking care of or worrying about sick triplets, and then subtract 1 for every time you wondered whether you should take them to the doctor or what you would do with them while you are working or whether there is anything else you should have done/could do for them...when you do that equation you get your immune system value - which is roughly NEGATIVE 425815232458 billion.'

Yeah, that seems about right.

Last modified on Tuesday, 22 September 2015 19:24

Latest from Katy England

Related items (by tag)

Related Video

back to top