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Weird National Briefs - February 12th, 2014

February 11, 2014
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Going bananas

BEAUMONT, Texas - Police have cited an 18-year-old Beaumont man who riled and worried passing motorists by standing at an intersection dressed as a banana with an assault rifle slung across his back.

Beaumont Police said in a statement on Saturday that officers determined the man was advertising for a local tactical and security store. The rifle had a drum magazine with a 50-round capacity.

Police briefly detained the man and cited him for violating a city ordinance prohibiting soliciting alongside roadways. Police had received multiple reports from concerned citizens.

TME No word on whether the man will be a-peeling.

The customer is always right

DENVER - Denver police have arrested four suspects accused of unwittingly trying to sell items they stole back to the burglary victim.

KMGH-TV reports Lacinda Robinson discovered the items missing at her home on Friday and drove to the parking lot of a nearby fast-food restaurant to report the theft. That's where she says she was approached by two people asking if she wanted to buy a video game set.

Robinson says she was startled when another person walked up wearing her jacket. She went next door to a gas station and found two off-duty police officers who made the arrests.

Robinson told police she is still missing an iPad, a flat-screen TV and some cash.

TME But did she get a good price?

Worst morning ever

HINGHAM, Mass. - A Massachusetts woman is recovering after battling a rabid wild raccoon that awakened her in bed.

Seventy-three-year-old Ginny Ballou of Hingham says she was asleep Wednesday morning when she felt something on her face. She thought was her cat.

She said the raccoon clamped onto her face, biting her chin and lip. She managed to pry it off, and it left the room after she beat it with her bedside telephone.

Police and a state environmental officer trapped the animal, which was euthanized. The state health department said Thursday it tested positive for rabies.

Ballou has stitches on her face, and wounds on her hands. She's undergoing preventive rabies treatment. She believes the raccoon got in through a cat door.

She tells Boston's WBZ-TV, 'It's something I'll never forget. It was that scary.'

TME It's like a gritty reboot of a Beatles song.

Super schism

PETOSKEY, Mich. - A dispute between two men over leadership of a costumed band of self-professed real-life Michigan superheroes has escalated into a battle of insults.

Mark Williams, who dresses up as Batman to patrol the northern Michigan community of Petoskey, and Adam Besso, who hails from the Detroit area and is nicknamed 'Bee Sting,' became friends after Williams got in trouble with police in 2011.

But now their dispute has split the dozen-member Michigan Protectors group, The Detroit News reported.

'He is an abusive, neglectful, thieving, boastful, cowardly crook,' Williams said. 'He belongs in jail, and I will see him there.'

Williams, a part-time landscaper, has drawn attention for patrolling in Petoskey. He was arrested in 2011 after being spotted atop a building while wearing a Batman costume. He was arrested again in 2012 for interfering with police at an accident scene.

Besso was arrested in 2012 after his shotgun discharged as he patrolled near Flint while wearing a bulletproof vest, black leather jacket with a bee logo, shin guards and knee pads. When Besso got out of jail, he rejuvenated the dormant Michigan Protectors, but some wanted Williams to be co-leader.

'He has to tear others down to feel better about himself,' Besso said. 'He's like `Lord of the Flies' with a slightly better version of dirt bags.'

TME It's basically the Protestant Reformation, only Martin Luther and John Calvin are wearing capes.

A fish tale

ROCHESTER, Minn. - Big Mouth Billy Bass apparently got the best of a would-be burglar in Minnesota.

Authorities in Rochester say the motion-activated singing fish apparently scared off an intruder who tried to break into the Hooked on Fishing bait and tackle shop.

The novelty bass had been hung near the door and would start singing 'Take Me to the River' whenever someone entered the shop.

The Olmsted County Sheriff's Office says the fish was found on the floor after the intruder knocked it down while breaking the door to get in late Sunday or early Monday.

Sgt. Tom Claymon tells the Star Tribune the would-be burglar left without stealing anything, including cash that had been left in 'a very visible spot.'

TME In his defense, any home with a Billy Bass probably doesn't have much worth stealing.

Squeal like a pig!

CHINA, Maine - Police responding to reports of screaming coming from a home in Maine didn't find a victim of domestic violence as they feared. Instead, they found an amorous pig.

State police say a woman called last week after hearing what she believed to be a fight coming from a neighbor's home in the town of China. The caller said she heard screaming and thought there was a domestic assault.

The Morning Sentinel reports that four state troopers responded and talked to the neighbor.

The neighbor explained that she raises pigs and the screaming was coming from an overjoyed male pig that had been placed in a pen with five sows in heat.

Police say there was no assault and no disturbance 'other than the screaming male pig.'

TME Ned Beatty was unavailable for comment.

Last modified on Wednesday, 09 April 2014 19:02

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