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July 17, 2013

July 17, 2013
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What a drag

JOHNSTOWN, Pa. - Police say a western Pennsylvania bank robber was long and tall, but probably not named Sally - despite outward appearances. 

Instead police in Richland Township, near Johnstown, believe the robber was a 6-foot, 6-inch man who was wearing a wig and women's clothes when he handed a teller a note demanding money at the First National Bank branch about 12:30 p.m. Thursday. 

Police say the suspect was wearing a straight-haired red wig, black dress and shoes, and was carrying a handbag.

Police Chief Michael Burgan says the bank still has to run an audit to determine how much money is missing. 

Police wouldn't say if the man had a weapon, but say nobody was hurt as the teller complied with the robber's demand.

TME It's 'Point Break' meets 'To Wong Foo' two Patrick Swayze movies in one! 

I just want to party!

SEATTLE - Seattle police say they arrested a man who crashed an 8-year-old child's party, ate several pieces of pizza and took two balloon animals. 

Parents told police they asked the 28-year-old man to leave after he joined the children's party at Green Lake on Wednesday evening. However, police say the shirtless, shoeless man refused and got into a 'very heated' exchange with the families at the party. The families called police. 

In a release on their website, police say the man appeared to be under the influence of a 'potent relaxant of some kind.' 

Officers first checked to see if the man needed medical attention, then arrested him for investigation of theft. 

TME And this is why birthday clown services should do background checks.

Expectant electricity

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A pregnant New Mexico woman has survived a bolt from the blue to give birth to a bouncing baby girl. 

Authorities say Kendra Villanueva and the baby's father Ian Gordon were watching fireworks with friends on July Fourth when lightning struck both of them in the front yard of an Albuquerque home. 

KRQE-TV reports Villanueva was just weeks from her due date and was rushed to University of New Mexico Medical Center where she had an emergency Cesarean section. Mother, father and baby survived relatively unscathed. 

The couple named the baby Kimberly Samantha Rose Gordon and said they'll also call her 'little Flash Gordon.' 

Ian Gordon says the new parents are hoping their new daughter will 'run fast, or save the universe.' 

TME That's a superhero origin story if ever we heard one.

Speling iz importunt

HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. - A Long Island school district has released a summer reading list riddled with spelling errors. 

F. Scott Fitzgerald's 'The Great Gatsby' is misspelled as 'The Great Gypsy.' And author Emily Bronte is listed as Emily Bonte. 

According to Newsday and News 12 Long Island, those are just a few of the more than 30 errors on the list provided by the Hempstead Public Schools. 

In a statement, a member of the New York State Department of Education's Board of Regents said the mistakes indicated that a stable administration was essential for children to get a good education. The statement said, 'Hempstead has not had a stable administration for a long time and the kids are suffering.' 

Hempstead Superintendent Susan Johnson didn't immediately return a call for comment. 

TME Welcome to the 'Hempstead Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.'

Oh crap

SAND SPRINGS, Okla. - A Tulsa man has been arrested on a peeping Tom complaint after police discovered him inside a septic tank beneath a women's bathroom at a Sand Springs water park. 

Tulsa County Sheriff's Maj. Shannon Clark says 52-year-old Kenneth Enslow was arrested Sunday after authorities discovered him covered in human waste. 

A woman called police after she took her 7-year-old daughter to the bathroom and noticed a man looking up at her from inside the toilet. 

Members of the Keystone Fire Department helped remove Enslow from the septic tank, sprayed him with a fire hose and transported him to a hospital for evaluation. 

Clark says Enslow remained jailed Monday on a felony warrant from Okmulgee County. Jail records do not indicate if he has an attorney. 

TME What a sthead.

Vote Bobby

DORSET, Minnesota - Supporters of the mayor in the tiny Minnesota tourist town of Dorset can stuff the ballot box all they want as he seeks re-election. The mayor - a short guy - is known for his fondness of ice cream and fishing. And he's got the county's top law-enforcement official in his pocket. 

Say hello to Mayor Robert 'Bobby' Tufts. He's 4 years old and not even in school yet. 

Bobby was only 3 when he won election last year as mayor of Dorset (population 22 to 28, depending on whether the minister and his family are in town). Dorset, which bills itself as the Restaurant Capital of the World, has no formal city government. 

Every year the town draws a name during its Taste of Dorset Festival, and the winner gets to be mayor. Anyone can vote as many times as they like - for $1 a vote - at any of the ballot boxes in stores around town. Bobby is running for a second term, and he gets to draw the winning name Aug. 4, so it's possible he could draw his own name. 

Calls of 'Mr. Mayor' greet Bobby as he strolls around Dorset, handing out his campaign card. One side shows Bobby, his dark hair slicked down, wearing his tan fishing vest over a suit jacket. The other side shows Bobby sitting in a porch swing with his girlfriend, Sophie. 

'I would love to be your Mayor as much as I love Sophie,' the card reads. 

TME His platform on campaign finance reform is actually remarkably progressive.

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