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Celebrity Slam - Life imitates art?

May 11, 2022
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We here at Celebrity Slam are here for the drama. Of course we are – drama is what gives us the sorts of items that allow us to do what we do. We love it when famous people get up to their usual shenanigans so we can have a little fun at their expense.

But sometimes, we get something that feels almost TOO perfect. The sort of item that is seemingly tailor-made for what we do here. And so it is this week.

Before we get into the details, we should do a refresher on the Celebrity Slam Theorem. For those unfamiliar with the rough math of CS, here’s a quick refresher. The more famous a person is, the less outlandish their actions need to be to warrant inclusion here. Also, the inverse is true. This is important information due to the fact that we’re going to be talking about a soap opera star whose name you probably don’t know, so, y’know … it’s gonna get weird.

Steve Burton is an actor who has spent parts of the past few decades playing the role of Jason Morgan on the soap opera “General Hospital.” Unless you were a fan of the show, you probably only knew him as the dude who got fired for not getting vaccinated.

Until now.

See, Burton took to Instagram last week to post the following:

“I wanted to clear something up. Sheree and I are separated. She recently announced she’s expecting her 4th child. The child is not mine. We are still co-parenting our three beautiful kids. We would appreciate privacy at this time. Much luv, Steve.”

Yeah – the dude’s wife posted on social media that she was expecting and he signed in to make sure that we all knew that they were no longer together and that the baby wasn’t his. Now, as far as anyone seems to know, the pair are still officially married; it’s unclear when they separated. They wed back in 1999, with their three kids ranging in age from teenagers to grammar schoolers.

For all the talk about art imitating life, we don’t often get opportunity to see life imitating art. Well … for a given value of “art,” anyway.

This Slam is somewhat atypical, simply because this isn’t intended to be a condemnation of anyone here. People separate all the time, moving on from marriages for reasons that are ultimately none of our business. We’re not making fun of them for their situation.

We just needed to talk about it, because this is HILARIOUS.

Seriously, can you imagine the writers at “General Hospital” trying to insert this plot point into the show? They’d be laughed out of the room – it’s a cliché at this point. And yet, there’s something weirdly fascinating about a guy on a soap opera dramatically taking to Instagram to declare that the baby isn’t his. You can almost see it playing out on-screen. Hell, maybe it HAS played out onscreen; we’re too lazy to be bothered to check, but considering how many “not my baby” moments turn up on soap operas, there’s a non-zero chance that Steve Burton as Jason Morgan dramatically declared that a child wasn’t his.

(Faithful readers, if one of you can confirm or deny whether this has happened – we know there are some “GH” lifers out there – please get word to us.)

The truth is that it actually seems like the two of them are dealing with their stuff relatively well, aside from a fairly obvious breakdown in communication. We wish them well as they move forward in this new evolution in their relationship. Baby on board, indeed.

(A quick editorial note here: We acknowledge that there is a LOT of bad celebrity behavior in the news right now. The Depp/Heard trial, Frank Langella and Fred Savage and Bill Murray facing allegations of inappropriate acts – it’s a lot. It’s also not funny. Not even a little bit. We’ve not been perfect in the past when dealing with these sorts of situations, but we do our best. And so, if you’re wondering when you’ll see us delve into any of these things, the answer is never. Thank you for your understanding. Tune in next week for more poop jokes and name-calling.)

Last modified on Wednesday, 11 May 2022 07:01

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