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Blockchain Bigfoot

March 30, 2022
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ST. POMME DE TERRE – Things are once again getting interesting in the isolated hamlet of St. Pomme de Terre, courtesy of the town’s most famous resident.

That’s right – Bigfoot is back in the news.

The hirsute entrepreneur is shifting the focus of his business empire. While the gains made in the outerwear space remain robust – YetiFoot-Grayman’s footwear sales continue to dominate the marketplace – Bigfoot has found himself stagnating. Success is wonderful and all, but giant man-apes aren’t usually inclined to rest on their laurels.

Bigfoot sought to extend himself into a nontraditional space, to tackle an industry ripe for the kind of disruption that only a mythical seven-foot-tall beast can bring to the table.

Cryptocurrency.

Through his intermediaries, Bigfoot recently announced his entry into the cryptocurrency space with his proprietary CryptidCoin. He is leading the effort, though he has taken on a number of partners as well. His longtime associate Yeti is onboard (though his primary focus remains YetiFoot-Grayman – he assumed the mantle of CEO when Bigfoot set off in shambling pursuit of this new venture). Other notables involved in the project include the Jersey Devil and Mothman (there are rumors that Nessie is also involved, but no one has been able to get her on the record).

“CryptidCoin is the way of the future by way of the mysteries of the past,” said Bigfoot’s translator amidst the hoots and howls of his boss’s communication from the lectern. “By bringing together a collection of mythical beasts rooted in our world’s history, we have assembled an ideal team to build a pathway toward what is to come.”

While it might seem that the current crypto space is a bit too crowded for a newcomer to make any significant impact, Bigfoot is counting on both his keen financial acumen and his giant hairy privilege to help him crash his way to the front of the line.

Earlier reports on this endeavor seemed to indicate that Bigfoot would be exploring the NFT space, but those indications appear to have been nothing more than rumors. Bigfoot himself scoffed at the notion, grunting and growling in a manner that we’re pretty sure was meant to be laughter.

“NFTs are playthings,” said the translator above the rising din. “They are electronic baubles that serve as status symbols and little more. They carry no intrinsic value beyond the aesthetic – and the aesthetic is not why they are being purchased. Perhaps their so-called collectability will help them maintain or even gain value, but to my mind, they are little more than a distraction from the true values that can derived from the virtual financial sphere.”

It should be noted that while Bigfoot has stepped away from his day-to-day duties at YetiFoot, he is still very much a part of that team. And the financing for this new endeavor is completely separate from that business – the bulk of the initial investment came from the massive defamation settlement Bigfoot received from his lawsuit against the Duplass Brothers for their docuseries “Sasquatch,” while all additional funds were raised via private capital.

Whether or not this endeavor ultimately proves successful, one thing is for certain: Bigfoot is taking it just as seriously as his many other business holdings. This is not a joke. Nor is it an effort to cash in on a trend. Bigfoot sees the potential of CryptidCoin as the next logical step in the continued growth of his empire – an empire, I might add, that he insists on continuing to headquarter right here in St. Pomme de Terre.

As always, the locals are effusive in their praise of their town’s most famous resident.

“Bigfoot’s always doin’ somethin’ impressive,” said Mark Pelletier, local lumberman and town selectman. “He’s turned our little town into a bustling cradle of industry, one of the most economically vital spots in the whole dang country. If he thinks somethin’ is worth an investment, well by God, someone is gonna make them some money.”

“I don’t really understand all this crypto nonsense,” said waitress Wanda Arsenault. “I mean, is it money? Where is it? I can’t see it. It’s all a bit strange, y’know? But hey – if Bigfoot says it’s for real, then it’s for real. That is one missing link from beyond the mists of time that has a good head for business.”

Expect the official launch date for CryptidCoin to be announced in the coming weeks.

Last modified on Wednesday, 30 March 2022 08:11

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