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Celebrity Slam - A Celebrity Slampler

November 17, 2020
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Obviously, our main goal each week here at Celebrity Slam is to find a famous person’s misdeeds and expounding upon their idiocy for 700ish words. It’s the formula on which we’ve settled and it seems to be working out quite well for all involved.

However, every once in a while, there’s a week where we don’t have that singular event, but rather a handful of smaller happenings that don’t warrant the full CS treatment on an individual level. When that happens, we try to do a grab bag of quick hits. As you might have guessed, this is one of those week – we’re looking at a “don’t you know who I am?” story, a mystery pooper and the end of a celebrity couple.

Enjoy!

Don’t you know who I am?

Anyone who follows this space knows that we love it when people try to use their fame to get out of trouble – particularly when it involves drinking and driving.

This week’s entry is Dillon Passage, husband to jailed “Tiger King” star Joe Exotic. According to reports, Passage was stopped in Travis County, Texas late Sunday night. When asked the usual battery of questions, Passage apparently had no idea what town he was even in – he said he was in a city that was a full-on hour north of where he actually was. He also missed the mark by over six hours when asked what time it is.

And of course, we got the good stuff, with cops confirming that Passage made them “aware of his social status and marriage” to good ol’ Joe Exotic on the scene, all while just bombing a field sobriety test.

Don’t drink and drive, folks, because here’s the thing – even being married to Joe Exotic isn’t going to save you (especially when Joe Exotic is already in jail and will be for some time).

Good poops?

Next up, we’ve got a delightful little nugget courtesy of Karen Laine, one of the stars of HGTV home renovation show “Good Bones.”

So it seems that Laine’s Indianapolis home has been broken into multiple times recently. Three times, to be precise, and the last two have involved the miscreant not only taking things, but leaving a little something behind.

That’s right – they pooped on the garage floor. Twice.

Laine reported some stuff stolen – her husband’s bike, some credit cards – but it’s pretty clear that the big issue she has (and understandably so) is with the pooping, saying to a local news station that “It’s sort of an epithet to say ‘I poop on you.’”

That said, the mystery pooper better watch out – Laine is a former prosecutor and she is firing on all cylinders to find the person or persons who did this, looping in the cops and tracking down various surveillance video spots. Oh, and they’re going to DNA test the turd – less a smoking gun and more a steaming gun.

All in all, a sh---y thing to do.

Wildeikis no more

Last but not least, we say goodbye to one of our favorite celebrity couples. Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde have officially called off their seven-year engagement. Apparently, they called it quits at the beginning of the year, but amicably so; they’ve been co-parenting their two children without too much trouble.

Obviously, we just want people to be happy, but there’s no denying that it’s sad to see this split. It was a weird but oddly apt match, as well as the source of an all-timer of a celebrity couple portmanteau (Wildeikis, anyone?) – honestly, what’s not to like?

Of course, this isn’t any sort of Slam. We’re just taking the opportunity to mourn the ending of a Hollywood relationship that actually seemed pretty healthy. There aren’t a ton of those out there these days, but at the very least, we can take comfort in the fact that this one concluded without any of the drama that so often marks these dissolutions. We wish them well in their future endeavors.

Long live Wildeikis.

Last modified on Tuesday, 17 November 2020 11:53

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