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Celebrity Slam - LeBron lets one rip

November 27, 2019
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As anyone who reads this space with regularity undoubtedly knows by now, we here at Celebrity Slam aren’t always the most sophisticated bunch. Yes, we like to tackle our scorn and mockery with at least a touch of intellectual elevation, but the truth is that we’re very much in touch with the … let’s just call them less mature aspects of our collective sense of humor.

That immaturity isn’t always fully present in Celebrity Slam week to week. Basically, it just depends on what sorts of items we’re exploring at a given time. Sometimes, the news of the week doesn’t really warrant us unleashing the full gleeful force of our childish potty humor.

And then sometimes we get a celebrity fart story.

Guess what we’re looking at this week!

We’re venturing into the world of professional sports for this one. Specifically, we’re going to be talking about the King himself, LeBron James, because while he might still be building his case as basketball’s GOAT (Greatest Of All Time), he has also put his name into the conversation for the GOAF (Greatest Of All Farts).

Oh yeah – it’s a fart story! Hooray!

It all went down in Oklahoma City, because of course it did. James and the Lakers were in town to play the Thunder; the night before the game, he went out to dinner with current Thunder player Chris Paul. The two are longtime friends. So far, so good.

It’s what happened afterward that’s so magnificent. Outside the restaurant – Mohagany Prime Steakhouse, if you’re interested – the two were spotted in the parking lot by some eager fans. Said fans then shouted at James and Paul in hopes of getting an autograph or two. Alas, they did not get any signatures … but they were acknowledged. Kind of.

LeBron – greatest basketball player of his generation – paused, lifted his leg … and let loose with a legitimately tremendous fart. Like, this was loud enough to be heard all the way across the parking lot. We know this because the fine folks from TMZ were there, recording it all for posterity; there’s even a moment where the blast increases in volume and intensity as James is clearly trying to squeeze it all out before he gets in the car.

(He’s apparently unsuccessful, by the way; you can actually hear the people in the car giving James hell for dragging his smell into the car with him.)

Obviously, this story is awesome on a number of levels.

We’re not going to sit here and say that LeBron went out of his way to fart at those dudes – it’s not like he’s a medieval French soldier guarding a castle and talking trash to King Arthur – but we’re also not going to pretend that it is anything less than hilarious.

Because that’s the thing – farts are funny. They’re never not funny. Try and think about LeBron James ripping ass in an OKC steakhouse parking lot without smiling. Go ahead – we’ll wait.

Couldn’t do it, could you? Because farts on their own are funny, but their hilarity can be exponentially increased via circumstances – setting, company, volume, that sort of thing. And with this wonderful flatulence captured via the wonders of technology, well … it’s just so much better.

Obviously, we’ve only recently developed the capabilities of accurately recording the full breadth of the fart experience, so we can’t say for certain that LeBron is a superior gasman to guys like Jordan or Wilt or Kareem. But there’s little doubt that this is a fart worthy of a Hall of Famer, an all-timer of a toot that deserves to be discussed.

You’ve probably gathered that this isn’t a Slam. There was no intentionality behind LeBron’s fart; it was simply a matter of timing. Who among us hasn’t tried to squeeze one out before getting into a friend’s car? If anything, this simply proves that pro athletes are just like the rest of us.

Look, here’s the deal – we really hope that you enjoyed this story, but we honestly don’t actually care whether you did or not. The truth is that every once in a while, there’s an item that we cover just for us. This is one such item.

You do you, Bron. Smell you later.

Last modified on Wednesday, 27 November 2019 05:57

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