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Weird National Briefs (07/11/2018)

July 11, 2018
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Panini press?

HARTFORD, Conn. - A tasty typo mistakenly turned a U.S. Senate candidate’s name into that of a sandwich.

The Connecticut Post reports that a banner on Connecticut Senate candidate Dominic Rapini’s website’s read “Approved by Dominic Panini.”

When told about the mistake, Rapini told the newspaper: “Oh, my God, you’re kidding me!”

The mistake was fixed as of Thursday afternoon.

The Apple executive faces Republican-endorsed candidate Matthew Corey in the August primary. They’re hoping to take on Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy in the fall.

Rapini’s last name already has an appetizing meaning. He says rapini means broccoli rabe in Italian, so people often find recipes when they Google his name.

TME – He’d certainly be the most delicious candidate.

Just a jogger

MADISON, Wis. - Police say a 19-year-old man flipped his car in Madison, Wisconsin, then fled the scene, removed some clothes and pretended to be a jogger unconnected to the wreck.

The Wisconsin State Journal reports that the unidentified man made a lane change Tuesday evening at the same time as another car. He overcorrected, hit the shoulder and his car overturned.

Police Chief Mike Koval says the suspect fled and removed some clothing. When officers caught up with him, he told them he was an “uninvolved jogger.”

Officers ticketed the man for failure to have control, hit and run and operating after revocation.

Police say tests showed the man wasn’t impaired.

TME – Innocent people totally use “uninvolved” as a descriptor.

We all scream

BOSTON - A bitter battle over an ice cream sandwich is heating up in Boston’s federal courthouse.

Frozen dessert maker 600 lb Gorillas Inc. was started by a Massachusetts husband and wife. They claim another company that supplied the filling for their ice cream sandwiches watered down the recipe behind their backs, sending sales tumbling.

They sued Mister Cookie Face LLC and its parent company, saying the inferior ice cream hurt their company to the tune of $2.5 million. The case is expected to go trial later this month.

The Whites say tests show the ice cream didn’t have as much butterfat as Mister Cookie Face had promised.

Mister Cookie Face denies delivering subpar ice cream and says the company’s loss in sales can’t be blamed on the sandwiches’ filling.

TME – “Mr. Cookie Face has been delivering subpar ice cream for years” – Mrs. Cookie Face.

Better late than never

CLAY CENTER, Kan. - A group of Kansas pranksters are finally coming clean right before the 50-year anniversary of a high school finding a mysterious hole through its roof.

The Kansas City Star reports that Richard Klocke and his friends fired a small cannon full of gunpowder near Clay Center Community High School for the Fourth of July in 1968.

Authorities reported that mysterious metal scraps had gouged the school roof and caused a water leak, but they never figured out where the scraps came from. The pranksters stayed quiet about the incident until now to avoid getting in trouble.

The 65-year-old says he wants to take responsibility because “it’s never officially been told as to what happened at that event.” Klocke now works as an artist and exhibition designer in Lawrence.

TME – Finally, the truth – the hole truth.

Carcass crash

GASTONIA, N.C. - A wreck involving a truck carrying partially decomposed animal carcasses left a smelly mess on a North Carolina highway.

The Gaston Gazette reported the wreck happened around 10:15 a.m. Monday on U.S. 74 in Gastonia.

The newspaper reported an 18-wheeler from Valley Proteins Inc. in Gastonia collided with a stopped car and dumped part of its cargo on the highway.

Crews from the North Carolina Department of Transportation and the fire department worked to clean up the mess before a company that specializes in highway cleanup arrived to finish the work.

The driver of the car was not seriously hurt. Neither was the truck driver.

TME – It’s like roadkill-ception.

Front-end fiasco

GREAT FALLS, Mont. - Authorities say a Great Falls woman stole a front-end loader and drove it into the apartment building where she lived.

Prosecutors charged 34-year-old Heather Houston with felony theft, criminal mischief and criminal endangerment, along with misdemeanor criminal mischief and criminal trespass to property.

Houston’s neighbor told police that she crashed the loader into his window Sunday morning and then used it to climb into her own apartment.

Police told the Great Falls Tribune that Houston was topless, though the police statement filed in court made no mention of her clothing.

Authorities estimated $1,600 in damages to the apartment building, $1,000 in damages to the front-end loader, plus damage to a lawn, a gate, a fence and a pickup truck.

There is no phone listing for Houston and it’s not clear whether she has hired an attorney.

TME – Some people handle forgetting their keys better than others.

Moose marriage

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - An Anchorage couple was about to seal their wedding vows with a kiss when the ceremony was interrupted by a moose.

The wedding ceremony for high school sweethearts Shandalyn and Alan Cuellar was wrapping up on the lawn of the Bayshore Clubhouse in south Anchorage when the unexpected visitor emerged from the woods Saturday night, the Anchorage Daily News reported.

“I started hearing some rustles behind us in the woods and the trees,” Shandalyn Cuellar said.

The moose then appeared, causing wedding guests to gasp and halting the pastor’s speech.

“The moose started coming right at us,” Cuellar said.

Wedding photographer Bria Celest continued snapping photos, capturing the bride surprised by the moose marching toward the lake behind her.

The moose eventually passed by. The pastor “just reined everyone back in,” Cuellar said. “He said, ‘Let’s get this done, let’s get them married.’”

The 22-year-old bride met the 25-year-old groom when they were students at Service High School. They have been together for more than seven years.

The ceremony continued, but the animal stayed in the background. The animal lingered around the lake for the duration of the reception.

“That moose is in the background of a lot of our pictures,” Cuellar said.

TME – Best version of “The Graduate” ever.

Last modified on Tuesday, 14 August 2018 19:45

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